A Parable of Cat-pitalisim, Part IV

Sunday had come and gone.  Today was the day of fate.  Today was Monday.

The man walked to work in the morning darkness.  The man walked alone.  He thought about what his coworker had said, what the street woman had said, and what his wife had said.

He passed a homeless man on the street.  He knew that a sane man would not throw away everything he had in this job.  Really, stabbing kittens as they came down the conveyor belt was an opportunity.  Many had no jobs at all.

But he could not shake the feeling that stabbing kittens was wrong.  It was his conscience that he could not escape.  And so he resolved that he would ask the owner to explain what the purpose of their work was.

Dear Cora: Letters for April 30, 2014

Dear Cora,

My boyfriend Louis loves to go out with me at night, but he won’t come and do anything with me and my friends during the daytime. I dunno… it’s like I look at the two of us in the mirror in five years, and I can’t see him at all. It’s like he doesn’t have any stake in the relationship. What should I do about it?

Sincerely,
Anne

Eighteen of the World’s TINIEST Racists

We all know that racists are tiny people.  But just how small can racists get?  Come with us as we explore under the microscope and beyond!

 

18. Racist Midgets

This midget is a proponent of race war.  But only against the blacks.  What an asshole.

The Nine Creatures You Do NOT Want To Take to Prom!

I have heard much of late from young associates of mine that the season has arrived during which they promenade through their scholarly institutions, dressed in rather formal attire, for their parents and other members of the community. However, I have also heard such distressing news about their ideal companions for these evenings of pomp. To wit, I have compiled a short list of those entities which young people should shun at this time of frivolity.

 

1. The Vampire

Let’s get the obvious one out first. Vampires have been very popular as the most-desired folkloric creature, thanks to more modern adaptations. However, Anne Rice, Stephanie Meyer, all those others are full of “crap,” as it is said in the parlance of our times. These monsters aren’t handsome, nor do they wear copious amounts of glitter body spray. They’re nasty, pasty, and all hands and teeth once they get you alone. It’s better to let sleeping bats lie.

6 Devilishly Rogue States

Everybody loves a bad boy.  Not officially, of course.  Not out loud, not in front of Mama or the United Nations. But somewhere in his heart of hearts, even Ban Ki-Moon is a little turned on by those most roguish of nations.  They’re just so bad, and it’s just… so good.

10 Armenians

Dennis Agajanian

 

Raffi Cavoukian

13 Hottest Pepper Sprays for Summer

You’ve been to the gym to work on your bikini body.  You’ve found the cutest swimsuit ever.  Now you’re ready for some hot summer sun and fun at the beach!  But why not try something 1000 times hotter?

A Parable of Cat-pitalisim, Part III

The man managed to finally make it home, and he collapsed in his favorite chair.  Their dwelling was Spartan, but it was what they had.  His wife set their youngest child on the kitchen counter and rushed to his side.

“My husband,” she said.  “Why are you home so early?  Have you been fired from the factory?”

29 Tin-Foil Hats That Will Blow Your Mind!

The tin-foil hat is the “little black dress” of the conspiracy theory fashion world.  But the “just a bunch of foil hastily crumpled on your head” look is getting old.  These new looks will blow your mind!  Okay, so they won’t literally blow your mind– that’s the whole reason for wearing a tin-foil hat.  But we guarantee that with this inspiration (and a little origami training), you’ll put the (in)spiration in (con)spiration!

 

The Napoleon

A classic, this makes you look either like Admiral Nelson or Le Petit Caporal.  Plus, it’s easy to make yourself!

The 14-Song Theremin Soundtrack for Your Weekend

Hooray!  It’s finally Friday!