19 Ways You’ll React When Pope Robo-Hitler Conquers the World

1. As you’re enjoying your morning breakfast after turning on the news

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2. When the weather lady is interrupted for a special report

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3. As it dawns on you that they have the technology, have the capability to create Robo-Hitler in Brazil– better, stronger, crazier

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4. When, after cutting into programming for a special announcement, President Obama and the rest of Congress rip off their flesh and reveal they and all preceding politicians have been robots all along

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5. When the new state-controlled media begins showing footage of Robo-Hitler kicking his feet up in the Oval Office

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6. As you observe your Roomba begin chanting Our Robo-Pope, who art metallic, oiled be thy bolts…

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7. When Pope Robo-Hitler announces humans will now become the robots’ slaves

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8. As you see unmanned drones flying over head, keeping a watchful eye

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9. When you flee for the hills as robot soldiers begin rounding up humans

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10. As you try and hide from the Robo-Nazi enforcers

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11. When you are backed into the corner and can no longer run

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12. When you protest about being placed in a cell block for those who will be performing hard, menial labor

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13. As you enjoy your daily allotment of gruel

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14. When you realize just how limited your cell’s toilet paper supply is

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15. When you discover just how much your cellmate likes you after five months in captivity

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16. As you are discovered after you finally attempt to steal an extra ration of food

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17. As you endure countless hours of torture as the guards try to figure out if you know of other thieves

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18. When the guards remove you from the dungeons, saying its time for your punishment

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19. When the lethal injection finally begins to take effect

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thatcher

THOMAS ANTHONY THACHER is a professor of classics and administrative official at Yale and a high priest of Wadjet-Bast. While not deciphering ancient Greek, Latin, Egyptian and Coptic texts, he can be found at home, tending and breeding his Egyptian Mau cats.

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