19 Ways You’ll React When Pope Robo-Hitler Conquers the World

1. As you’re enjoying your morning breakfast after turning on the news


2. When the weather lady is interrupted for a special report


3. As it dawns on you that they have the technology, have the capability to create Robo-Hitler in Brazil– better, stronger, crazier


4. When, after cutting into programming for a special announcement, President Obama and the rest of Congress rip off their flesh and reveal they and all preceding politicians have been robots all along


5. When the new state-controlled media begins showing footage of Robo-Hitler kicking his feet up in the Oval Office


6. As you observe your Roomba begin chanting Our Robo-Pope, who art metallic, oiled be thy bolts…


7. When Pope Robo-Hitler announces humans will now become the robots’ slaves


8. As you see unmanned drones flying over head, keeping a watchful eye


9. When you flee for the hills as robot soldiers begin rounding up humans


10. As you try and hide from the Robo-Nazi enforcers


11. When you are backed into the corner and can no longer run


12. When you protest about being placed in a cell block for those who will be performing hard, menial labor


13. As you enjoy your daily allotment of gruel


14. When you realize just how limited your cell’s toilet paper supply is


15. When you discover just how much your cellmate likes you after five months in captivity


16. As you are discovered after you finally attempt to steal an extra ration of food


17. As you endure countless hours of torture as the guards try to figure out if you know of other thieves


18. When the guards remove you from the dungeons, saying its time for your punishment


19. When the lethal injection finally begins to take effect



THOMAS ANTHONY THACHER is a professor of classics and administrative official at Yale and a high priest of Wadjet-Bast. While not deciphering ancient Greek, Latin, Egyptian and Coptic texts, he can be found at home, tending and breeding his Egyptian Mau cats.

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