27 Diet Soft Drinks BIG COLA doesn’t want you to know about!

soft_drink_market_share

Between the two of them, Coca-Cola and PepsiCo control nearly 70% of the soft drink market in America– imagine the terrible consequences of that kind of power!  We’ve compiled a list of 27 alternative soft drinks for those of us who still have a brain, but maintain a love for aspartame-laden beverages that borders on addiction.

27. Diet Sam’s Cola

diet sams

26. Diet Big K Cola

big k

25. Diet Go 2 Cola

diet go 2

24. Diet A&W

diet aw

23. Diet Dad’s

diet dad's

22. Big Red Zero

big red zero

21. Diet Ski

diet ski

20. Diet Squirt*

diet squirt

19. Diet Heee Haw

diet heee haw

18. Diet Mountain Fury

d mountain fury

17. Diet Mountain Lion

d mountain lion

16. Diet Mountain Roar

d mount roar

15. Big K Koolers Diet Pink Lemonade

bk kool pink

14. Stewart’s Diet Orange N’ Cream

stewarts orange

13. Diet Dr. Pepper*

d dr pep

12. Diet Dr. Thunder

dr thunder

11. Diet Dr. Perky

dr perky

10. Diet Dr. Chek

diet dr chek

9. Bottled Water**†

bottled-water

8. Filtered Water**†

Brita-Slim

7. Tap Water†

water

6. Diet Tap Water**†

water

5. Deionized Water**

deionizedwater

4. Diet Cheerwine

dietcheerwinecan

3. Diet Moxie

d moxie

2. Cola Turka Light***

cola turka

1. Diet Rite*

diet rite

 

* Produced by the Dr. Pepper/Snapple Group, a major power-player in the soda wars.  We at Illuminaughty Boutique currently endorse their products, but they are on a watch list.

** Naturally calorie-free!

*** May be difficult to obtain outside the Republic of Turkey.

† May contain fluoride, a known mind-control agent.  Check with your local water company or militia.


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

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