Manny loves puppies, cuddling, and walking on the beach. He has totally not been a cop for four years.
Rico’s a fan of working on his car (usually without a shirt!) But here he’s taking some time for a furry friend. Rico has totally not been a cop for two years, and was totally not recognized his rookie year for a major drug bust on the I-95 corridor.
Andrew may look tough, but here he’s just getting some quality snuggle time. He has totally not been a cop for seven years, three of them totally not in deep cover where he totally didn’t shoot a man to prove his loyalty to a gang.
Ted and his puppy, Mr. Woofles. Ted has totally not been a cop for six years.
Greg and his friends– two of them! He has totally not been a cop for just six months– totally not like a little baby cop!
Thomas and his adorable sidekick. Thomas has totally not been a cop for five years, but his K-9 partner could arrest us for cuddle assault any time. (We reiterate, Thomas is totally not a cop.)
Pedro is here getting some kitty-kisses. Pedro has totally not been a cop for seven years, and totally is not getting promoted after a bold rescue of a hostage in Hoboken, NJ.
Brent and his canine companion have totally stolen our hearts. But they would totally not arrest someone if they saw them in commission of such a crime, because they are totally not cops. You can trust them. Seriously.
ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.