Been thinking of getting a piercing, but you want to make it really meaningful? How about the transcendent experience of joining as one with Christ the Savior during his passion and pain? It’s the new cool thing. We mean Patricia Arquette levels of cool. Here are our top five stigmata for Spring 2014!
5. Left Foot
Kind of hard to walk with this one, and a little awkward to show it off. But at least you won’t be suppressed for decades like Padre Pio was.
4. Right Foot
Again with the walking, here. You could have just gotten a butterfly or a cute quote… but we forgive you, for you knew not what you did.
3. Left Hand
You know, they talk a lot about The Son sitting at the Right Hand of the Father, but who sits at the Left Hand? The Holy Spirit? Tim, the Angel of Jet-Skiing?
2. Right Hand
This one show people that you wanna do it like a BOSS. Like THE BOSS. Like the MASTER OF THE UNIVERSE AND THE LORD OF ALL CREATION, BECOME FLESH TO TAKE AWAY THE SINS OF THE WORLD.
Just to remind you, someone literally poked Christ with a stick to see if he was dead. By getting this stigma, you’re taking on not only his pain but also his humiliation, together in mystical union. Sure beats a tramp stamp!
ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.