A Parable of Cat-pitalisim, Part V


Walking again through the street, the man felt lost.  He’d been a responsible citizen all his life, and that job stabbing kittens was the only trade he knew.  Yet seemingly on a whim, he had walked away, had burned a bridge with his now-former employer.  And for what?

He could not go home to face his wife.  So he turned to the only escape he could think of– the bottle.


About three pints in, he turned to an old codger next to him.  “You ever stab a kitten?” he asked the codger.

“Did I?” said the codger.  “Why, I made quota six days a week for 30 years.  Never took a sick day, neither, till this damned carpal tunnel brought me down.”

“Yeah?” asked the man.

“Yep,” said the codger.  “Now I’m damned near useless.”

“I just–” began the man.  “I do not wish to stab kittens any longer.”

“Well,” said the codger, “you wouldn’t necessarily have to stab them, I guess.  There’s more than one way to skin a cat.”


It was an epiphany, like the one of the Wise Men.  There could be other ways to skin a cat.  Or other value-enhancing derivative processes.

“Maybe,” said the man, “we could just whip the kittens.”

“I like where you’re going with this,” said the codger.

“Hand me a napkin,” said the man.  He handed one to him.  “Let me know if I’m going too fast for you.  This–” he drew a circle “this is us.”  Next he drew a kitten on either side.  “Kittens come in from suppliers, kittens go out to the kitten stabbing operations.”


“I’m following you so far.”

“What we do is enhance performance by pre-whipping the kittens, saving manufacturers time.”

“Wait,” said the codger, “how does that–”

“We just need to convince the consumer that a pre-whipped kitten is a premium product.”


“Brilliant!” said the codger.  “I was going to suggest we not kill the kittens at all, but your idea is far more efficient.”

“So what do you say?” said the man.  “Are you with me?”

“I’ve been living off disability for too long,” said the codger.  “I’m ready to get back in the game!”




PAUL LAFARGUE enjoys lazy Sundays sleeping in and snuggling with his own kitten, Laura.  He currently resides in Paris, France, where he currently focuses on his writing.

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