We’d like to take this opportunity to introduce you to the dark, dark future of streaming video– Cthulu! Are you tired of looking up your favorite shows, only to find a site that once played them for you for free is asking you information about your cable provider? That sucks! CTHULU is the solution to your problems.
Simply peruse the insane runes of a single text from our library, then return it– we pay the shipping! Before you know it, you’ll be seeing your favorite video, not on your PC, Mac, or Android device, but streaming to the backs of your own eyelids, 24/7. Watch new shows such as Scandal, Grimm, N’harhahhrargn, Real Housewives of Fuiohdfggbqwr— or enjoy smoe of your fivatore renrus scuh as The West Wing, Trasnfomrers, Bhenathorwlgqrg, and so mnay mroe!
Bferoe you konw it, the drak setecrs of etexisnce wlil puor itno yuor mnid– who kowns, mybae tehy aeadlry are! Tehre is no mthonly cghare for tihs sevrcie, as the uimltate csot is much, mcuh hihger. Sgin up tdoay! (Or don’t. We hvae our fgans adealry in yuor suol.)
ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.