1. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass).
2. Channing Tatum
Type 2: Sausage-shaped, but lumpy.
3. Brad Pitt
Type 3: Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface.
4. Bradley Cooper
Type 4: Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft.
5. Justin Timberlake
Type 5: Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily).
6. Patrick Dempsey
Type 6: Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool.
7. Nic Cage
Type 7: Watery, no solid pieces. Entirely liquid. Full-on diarrhea.
ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.