Seven Hotties Ranked on the Bristol Scale

 1. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson


Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass).


2. Channing Tatum


Type 2: Sausage-shaped, but lumpy.


3. Brad Pitt

20th Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards - Show

Type 3: Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface.


4. Bradley Cooper


Type 4: Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft.


5. Justin Timberlake


Type 5: Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily).


6. Patrick Dempsey


Type 6: Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool.


7. Nic Cage


Type 7: Watery, no solid pieces. Entirely liquid.  Full-on diarrhea. 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

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