Today I’ll be reviewing the Hornithopter, by da Vinci. And I’ll tell you up front, I wasn’t impressed. You were supposed to do two things, Hornithopter. Two things.
The Hornithopter is advertised as a combination personal transportation device and sex toy. Let’s examine the inherent contradiction there. Traveling is a public thing; sex is… well, I don’t mean to be a prude, but I like to be a little more discreet about those sorts of pleasures. So off the bat we’re looking at issues.
Another design kvetch I have is that the Hornithopter brings back Flexi-Grips. Not bad for a sex toy, but as a control and steering system? Unresponsive and sluggish. Worse yet, while earlier miracle vehicles could go two hundred miles per hour, and get three hundred miles to the gallon, speed and performance are compromised by using flapping wings.
Now from flapping to fapping. The sex toy side of the Hornithopter is just as disappointing. The wings are supposed to help keep it in place, but because they’re also being used to lift the craft off the ground, the Hornithopter ends up jerking around all over the place– and not in the good way. I’d take the stable and steady hum of a Sybian over this one any day.
So it looks like we’re 0/2 and flying.
What’s worse, the unit doesn’t even come pre-assembled, and the instructions are all in Italian! It took me hours of work to put it together, only to be disappointed in the end by a jerky and unpleasant ride.
Reminds me of prom night.
Here’s the bottom line: save your money. Da Vinci might end up inventing something I’m more impressed with in the future, but for now I’m calling him a hack.
MARY TOFT lives in Surrey, in southeastern England. She is a great lover of rabbits an an expert in probing questions.