Eight Brazilians You Will NOT Believe!

four girls in bikini from behind posing on beachIt’s officially SUMMER!  And you know what that means… not only is it time to hit the BEACH, it’s time to do something about that tangled mass of corruption that you’ve been hiding for months.  In light of that, here are eight Brazilians that you will not believe, mainly because of their implication in the Escândalo do Mensalão (“big monthly payment” scandal) that nearly brought down the presidency of Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva in 2005.

Marcos Valério

marcos-valereio

 

Ramon Hollerbach

Ramon-Hollerbach

 

Cristiano Paz

cristiano-paz

 

Simone Vasconcelos

Simone-Vasconcelos

 

Roberto Jefferson

roberto_jefferson

 

José Dirceu

José-Dirceu

 

Delúbio Soares

delubio-soares

 

José Genoíno

jose-genonio

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

The Terrible World of Panda Drug Addiction EXPOSED!

drug-panda-3

As adorable as it may seem at first, this is the face of addiction.  Panda addiction to zhu.

 

drug-panda-13

Pandas all over the world are getting hooked on zhu. And it’s a lifestyle that is is killing them.

 

drug-panda-11

Zhu is also known by the street names of big grass, bamboo, and Chinese wood.

 

drug-panda-5

Many claim that they are only social users of zhu, that they only do it for fun.

 

Giant panda in tree, Wolong Panda Reserve, Sichuan Province, China

Stories float around amongst members of the “in” community of zhu users about all the good times to be had under the influence.

 

drug-panda-6

But these stories never dip into the darker side of zhu.  What starts as fun can lead to a sixteen-hour-a-day habit.

 

drug-panda-2

After consuming zhu, many pandas become lethargic and lie around on the ground all day.

 

drug-panda-4

Others become disoriented and suffer from hallucinations and giggling fits.

 

drug-panda-8

Still others become irritable and easily angered.

 

drug-panda-10

As dangerous as these individuals can be under the influence…

 

drug-panda-12

…deprive them of zhu and they can become combative, even to the point of attacking law enforcement.

 

drug-panda-1Worse yet, long-term use can lead to a cycle of addiction.  Even children in the panda community become victims, and later train their own children to use zhu.

 

drug-panda-7It is important that we spread awareness of the dangers of zhu, both in the human and panda communities.  Prevention saves lives!

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Who Run the World? Psy + Snoop Dog’s “Hangover” vs. A Drug-Addled Panda

psy-v-panda

In this installment of “Who Run the World?” we’re looking at two trends that are rocking the globe: K-Pop and recreational drugs.

“Hangover”

Two of the world’s biggest stars, together at last

 

psy-hangover-shots

That scene with the shot-glass domino effect was bitchin’

 

psy-hangover-skipping

We cannot imagine a more fun time in the world than skipping through an amusement park with Psy and Snoop

 

Drug-Addled Pandas

Lie around sleeping all day

 

Prone to flying into berserk rage

 

red-panda

Looked down upon by their closest relatives

 

Winner: Drug-Addled Pandas

Surprised?  We’re looking at a few angles on this one.  First off, “Hangover” was a great song, but it’s not nearly as catchy as “Gangnam Style” or “Gentleman,” and we think that’s because so little of it is actually in Korean.  If we want to listen to K-Pop, we want to listen to a language that most of us (except for our friends Myeongyun and Hyun Jin) can’t understand.

But there’s a more serious issue at work.  Think about how addictive drugs are.  And think about how addictive pandas are.  If you don’t know how addictive pandas are, take a look at the Panda Cam for a few days straight.  Now mix the two and see if you don’t find a way to bring society to its knees.

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Beards: The Sexy Face of Face-Sex

beard-rj1

Unless you live under a rock, chances are you’re aware of who Hall and Oates are and have probably heard at least ONE of their songs. But here’s something you might not know: John Oates was nothing more than a mustache who played guitar while Daryl Hall was in front of the stage absolutely KILLING IT!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to take anything away from him because he wrote or co-wrote a good chunk of the H&O repertoire. However, what’s he done lately?!?!?! Huh?!?!?! Yeah, that’s right: NOTHING! John Oates hasn’t done shit since 1989 when he shaved off one of the top-five mustaches of all time. (For the record, Freddie Mercury had the greatest mustache of all time.)

Top Five Mustaches

  1. Freddie Mercury
  2. Tom Selleck
  3. Burt Reynolds
  4. Alex Trebek
  5. John Oates

Argue me, I dare you.

John Oates was swimming in so much soft-rock, easy-listening pussy that he felt like he needed to shave the ‘stache because he just couldn’t take it anymore. Can you imagine having SO MUCH PUSSY that you have to shave your ‘stache to calm it down?!?! Man, that’s a problem I’d like to have…well, if I could grow a mustache. Seriously, I’ve seen girls who have better mustaches than I do.

beard-rj2

Daryl Hall took a page from Oates’ playbook and is now sporting a beard because CHICKS DIG BEARDS!!! Trust me, just ask any of the Ladies of Twitter, they’ll let you know.

Hall has his show, “Live from Daryl’s House” and it’s a great show. He brings in guests to jam and they stream it live as well as record it for playback. In addition to jamming with all of the amazing celebrity-guests, his wife us SMOKING! For real, she’s damn sure a M.I.L.F!

So, what I’m trying to say is this: grow your mustache, or even your beard. It’s certainly working for Billy Gibbons.

beard-rj3

 


Robert_Johnson

ROBERT JOHNSON is a singer/songwriter from Hazlehurst, Mississippi.  His interests include liquor, women, and a proclivity for loitering around the crossroads in the dead of night.

Dear Cora: Letters for June 19, 2014

black heart

Dear Cora,

I haven’t been entirely honest with my boyfriend. He thinks I grew up in southern Alabama, but I was actually manufactured by the Tyrell Corporation for use on Mars. Should I tell him I’m a replicant?

Sincerely,
Dreams of Sheep

 

Dear Dreams,

That depends on a lot of factors. Do you think you will stay with this boyfriend long term? The fact that you’re writing makes me think you may feel guilty about withholding this information. If that’s the case, I think you should absolutely tell him.

Best,
Cora

 

black heart

Dear Cora,

Any tips for spicier cybersex? I’ve been talking up a chatbot and am ready to take things to the next level.

Thanks,
Scott

 

Dear Scott,

When it comes to chatbots, it’s really up to you to make the first move. If you want things to be a bit “spicier,” you’ve got to make the first move. The bot will follow suit. The fortunate thing about that is your cybersex partner won’t be able to take it too far for you.

Good luck,
Cora

 

black heart

Dear Cora,

Why don’t you talk to me anymore?

–B.F. Hatch

 

Dear BF,

Please do not write to me. I am not interested in you or your antics.

Love Never,
Cora

 


cora

CORA L. V. SCOTT is an author and lecturer from upstate New York. Her interests include esoteric elocution and pantheistic spiritualism.

Have a question for Cora? You can e-mail her here.

What Does the BIBLE Say About CLEAVAGE?

OLD TESTAMENT

 

Genesis

cleave7

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

 

Leviticus

cleave22

And he shall cleave it with the wings thereof, but shall not divide it asunder: and the priest shall burn it upon the altar, upon the wood that is upon the fire: it is a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD. (Leviticus 1:17)

 

Deuteronomy

cleave1

But ye that did cleave unto the LORD your God are alive every one of you this day. (Deuteronomy 4:4)

Thou shalt fear the LORD thy God; him shalt thou serve, and to him shalt thou cleave, and swear by his name. (Deuteronomy 10:20)

For if ye shall diligently keep all these commandments which I command you, to do them, to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him; Then will the LORD drive out all these nations from before you, and ye shall possess greater nations and mightier than yourselves. (Deuteronomy 11:22-23)

Ye shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him. (Deuteronomy 13:4)

And there shall cleave nought of the cursed thing to thine hand: that the LORD may turn from the fierceness of his anger, and shew thee mercy, and have compassion upon thee, and multiply thee, as he hath sworn unto thy fathers; When thou shalt hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep all his commandments which I command thee this day, to do that which is right in the eyes of the LORD thy God. (Deuteronomy 13:17-18)

And every beast that parteth the hoof, and cleaveth the cleft into two claws, and cheweth the cud among the beasts, that ye shall eat. (Deuteronomy 14:6)

The LORD shall make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee from off the land, whither thou goest to possess it. (Deuteronomy 28:21)

Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee. (Deuteronomy 28:60)

That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life, and the length of thy days: that thou mayest dwell in the land which the Lord sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them. (Deuteronomy 30:20)

 

Joshua

cleave8

But take diligent heed to do the commandment and the law, which Moses the servant of the LORD charged you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul. (Joshua 22:5)

But cleave unto the LORD your God, as ye have done unto this day. (Joshua 23:8)

Else if ye do in any wise go back, and cleave unto the remnant of these nations, even these that remain among you, and shall make marriages with them, and go in unto them, and they to you: Know for a certainty that the LORD your God will no more drive out any of these nations from before you; but they shall be snares and traps unto you, and scourges in your sides, and thorns in your eyes, until ye perish from off this good land which the LORD your God hath given you. (Joshua 23:12-13)

 

2 Kings

cleave21

Nevertheless he cleaved unto the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, which made Israel to sin; he departed not therefrom. (2 Kings 3:3)

The leprosy therefore of Naaman shall cleave unto thee, and unto thy seed for ever. And he went out from his presence a leper as white as snow. (2 Kings 5:27)

 

Job

cleave9

His archers compass me round about, he cleaveth my reins asunder, and doth not spare; he poureth out my gall upon the ground. (Job 16:13)

My bone cleaveth to my skin and to my flesh, and I am escaped with the skin of my teeth. (Job 19:20)

The nobles held their peace, and their tongue cleaved to the roof of their mouth. (Job 29:10)

If my step hath turned out of the way, and mine heart walked after mine eyes, and if any blot hath cleaved to mine hands; Then let me sow, and let another eat; yea, let my offspring be rooted out. (Job 31:7-8)

When the dust groweth into hardness, and the clods cleave fast together? (Job 38:38)

 

Psalms

cleave4

My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou hast brought me into the dust of death. (Psalm 22:15)

An evil disease, say they, cleaveth fast unto him: and now that he lieth he shall rise up no more. (Psalm 41:8)

For our soul is bowed down to the dust: our belly cleaveth unto the earth. (Psalm 44:25)

Thou didst cleave the fountain and the flood: thou driedst up mighty rivers. (Psalm 74:15)

I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me. (Psalm 101:3)

By reason of the voice of my groaning my bones cleave to my skin. (Psalm 102:5)

My soul cleaveth unto the dust: quicken thou me according to thy word. (Psalm 119:25)

If I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth; if I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy. (Psalm 137:6)

Our bones are scattered at the grave’s mouth, as when one cutteth and cleaveth wood upon the earth. (Psalm 141:7)

 

Ecclesiastes

cleave14

Whoso removeth stones shall be hurt therewith; and he that cleaveth wood shall be endangered thereby. (Ecclesiastes 10:9)

 

Song of Solomon

cleave10

O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. (Song of Solomon 2:14)

 

Isaiah

cleave18

To go into the clefts of the rocks, and into the tops of the ragged rocks, for fear of the LORD, and for the glory of his majesty, when he ariseth to shake terribly the earth. (Isaiah 2:21)

For the LORD will have mercy on Jacob, and will yet choose Israel, and set them in their own land: and the strangers shall be joined with them, and they shall cleave to the house of Jacob. (Isaiah 14:1)

 

Jeremiah

cleave24

For as the girdle cleaveth to the loins of a man, so have I caused to cleave unto me the whole house of Israel and the whole house of Judah, saith the LORD; that they might be unto me for a people, and for a name, and for a praise, and for a glory: but they would not hear. (Jeremiah 13:11)

Thy terribleness hath deceived thee, and the pride of thine heart, O thou that dwellest in the clefts of the rock, that holdest the height of the hill: though thou shouldest make thy nest as high as the eagle, I will bring thee down from thence, saith the LORD. (Jeremiah 49:16)

 

Lamentations

cleave23

The tongue of the sucking child cleaveth to the roof of his mouth for thirst: the young children ask bread, and no man breaketh it unto them. (Lamentations 4:4)

Their visage is blacker than a coal; they are not known in the streets: their skin cleaveth to their bones; it is withered, it is become like a stick. (Lamentations 4:8)

 

Ezekiel

Adriana Lima Victoria's Secret beautiful models from the sky a great cleavage.

And I will make thy tongue cleave to the roof of thy mouth, that thou shalt be dumb, and shalt not be to them a reprover: for they are a rebellious house. (Ezekiel 3:26)

 

Daniel

cleave6

And whereas thou sawest iron mixed with miry clay, they shall mingle themselves with the seed of men: but they shall not cleave one to another, even as iron is not mixed with clay. (Daniel 2:43)

Now when they shall fall, they shall be holpen with a little help: but many shall cleave to them with flatteries. (Daniel 11:34)

 

Amos

cleave16

For, behold, the Lord commandeth, and he will smite the great house with breaches, and the little house with clefts. (Amos 6:11)

 

Obadiah

cleave11

The pride of thine heart hath deceived thee, thou that dwellest in the clefts of the rock, whose habitation is high; that saith in his heart, Who shall bring me down to the ground? (Obadiah 1:3)

 

Micah

cleave13

And the mountains shall be molten under him, and the valleys shall be cleft, as wax before the fire, and as the waters that are poured down a steep place. (Micah 1:4)

 

Habakkuk

cleave17

Thy bow was made quite naked, according to the oaths of the tribes, even thy word. Selah. Thou didst cleave the earth with rivers. (Habakkuk 3:9)

 

Zechariah

cleave15

And his feet shall stand in that day upon the mount of Olives, which is before Jerusalem on the east, and the mount of Olives shall cleave in the midst thereof toward the east and toward the west, and there shall be a very great valley; and half of the mountain shall remove toward the north, and half of it toward the south. (Zechariah 14:4)

 

NEW TESTAMENT

 

Matthew

cleave20

And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? (Matthew 19:5)

 

Mark

cleave5

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. (Mark 10:7-8)

 

Luke

cleave3

Even the very dust of your city, which cleaveth on us, we do wipe off against you: notwithstanding be ye sure of this, that the kingdom of God is come nigh unto you. (Luke 10:11)

 

Acts

cleave19

Who, when he came, and had seen the grace of God, was glad, and exhorted them all, that with purpose of heart they would cleave unto the Lord. (Acts 11:23)

 

Romans

cleave12

Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. (Romans 12:9)

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Cut the Shit and Listen to Some Good Shit For Once!

one-direction-poo

Any person worth half their salt doesn’t listen to shitty music; at least not from their perspective. However, to others, some of it is SHIT!!! My point is that there is some really shitty music out there.

One Direction is the latest in a thousand-mile long list of boy bands. The Beatles were a boy band too…BUT THEY PLAYED THEIR OWN GEAR! The problem I have with One Direction is that they’re doing everything they can to control our minds. From the Pepsi commercials they’ve done to all of the ridiculous fan gear. UGH!

Don’t get me wrong, I own my fair share of band shirts, but it’s not like I’ve bought Led Zeppelin pencils and erasers or a Cat Stevens-sponsored burqa for my non-Muslim wife. I’ve seen my fair share of concerts and bought a fair share of concert t-shirts because I listen to a shit-ton of music. My mp3nis is HUGE! (ask your mother, she knows) Seriously, I have over 5k songs and they range from full albums by Metallica, Alison Krauss, the Who as well as Ike and Tina Turner. I have a really wide musical taste and because I play a multitude of instruments, I’ve learned to play a shit-ton of songs; on guitar especially.

Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam) wrote a song called, “Wild World”, which I learned to play a few years ago, and as I listened to this song earlier today, I couldn’t help but try to figure out what the FUCK he meant. Was he trying to tell “baby” that he really didn’t want her to end the relationship? Or was he reacting to the breakup in such a childish fashion that he felt as though he had to degrade “baby” by telling her that her only qualities were the fact that she had nice clothes and she was pretty?

The song was released in ’70, when Yusuf was 22. The woman the song was allegedly written about was 19. This is a sample of the conversation I would have had with him:

Me: “Dude, Cat, sit down with me, buddy. Did you ever sit down to think about the fact that you were a junior in high school before this chick even made it TO high school?! That’s done serious cradle robbing in that era of your existence.”
Cat: “…….”

I can’t really wrap my brain around his, sorry.

The point I’m making is this: regardless of what was going through his brain as he was recovering from TB, he wrote a great lyrical song. By the way, what kind of person leaves a partner when they’re sick/recovering from TB?! That’s shady, lady.

Sorry, I got distracted. Getting back to my original thought process, QUIT LISTENING TO SHITTY MUSIC!!! Expand your mind by listening to non-produced music. Go to wherever you acquire music (even if it’s online) and find the most obscure CD you can find. Seriously, it’s quite rewarding.

 


Robert_Johnson

ROBERT JOHNSON is a singer/songwriter from Hazlehurst, Mississippi.  His interests include liquor, women, and a proclivity for loitering around the crossroads in the dead of night.