1. When your future dealer tricks you into taking your first hit.
2. As you try to avoid the cops while waiting on your dealer to get that next precious hit.
3. When you get jumped by your first tweeker who tries to steal your newly-purchased supply.
4. When you tell your family to go away because you’re coming down off a high.
5. As you slip deeper and deeper into your addiction.
6. The first time you’re threatened after mouthing off to the wrong person in the dealing chain.
7. When you family surprises you with an intervention and you tell them off.
8. When you try to get up and walk out of the intervention.
9. When you start giving hand jobs to pay for your habit.
10. When you finally achieve full-on tweeker status.
11. When you discover the undercover cop who has been staking out your dealer’s area.
12. When you and the cop start fighting for the gun.
13. When you bitch-slap your dealer as the two of you flip out over the dead cop.
14. When you run, leaving him to take the blame with the other cops.
15. When you get home safe and sound, shoot up to relieve all the stress of cop-killing, overdose, and die ignominiously falling down the stairs.
THOMAS ANTHONY THACHER is a professor of classics and administrative official at Yale and a high priest of Wadjet-Bast. While not deciphering ancient Greek, Latin, Egyptian and Coptic texts, he can be found at home, tending and breeding his Egyptian Mau cats.
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