10 Further Armenians

Sarkis Assadourian

Sarkis-Assadourian

Aracy Balabanian

Aracy-Balabanian

Eric Bogosian

eric-bogosian

Ken Davitian

Ken-Davitian

Atom Egoyan

Atom-Egoyan

Nazeni Hovhannisyan

Nazeni-Hovhannisyan

Nicolas Minassian

Nicolas-Minassian

David Nalbandian

David-Nalbandian

Alice Panikian

Alice-Panikian

Anita Sarkeesian

Anita-Sarkeesian

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sixteen Buildings with Nipples

dome9

A sweet taste of India! 

 

dome3

Hot Medina!

 

dome12

From Russia with love!

 

dome1

STACKED in Bulgaria!

 

dome6

We’d like to get into this in Indonesia!

 

dome2

Good old American girls.

 

dome8

A golden shot from St. Petersburg!

 

dome10

CENTERFOLD: Sacre Coeur!

 

dome4

Holy wisdom, Batman!

 

dome11

A hottie from across the pond.

 

dome7

These domes rock!

 

dome5

Jesus!

 

dome15

Some action in the Vatican!

 

dome13

Хорошо!

 

dome14

Juicy Scotland!

 

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At the end of the day, we loves us some domes!

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Reddit has banned /r/TheFappening– WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO HIDE?

fappening-banned

The banning of the subreddit /r/TheFappening has many of us wondering… what are they trying to hide?  Is this a coverup?  And if so, who benefits?  Here are some of our pet theories that have been going around the Illuminaughty Boutique offices.

 

1. Jennifer Lawrence is the Sasquatch

j-law-sasquatch

I wonder if the carpet matches the… hmm.  It’s pretty much all carpet, I guess.  Must take a long time to shave!

 

2. Ariana Grande is Nessie

ariana-nessie

That cute top-knot thing she’s been doing?  THAT IS ACTUALLY HER NECK AND HEAD.

 

3. McKayla Maroney is the Chupacabra

maroney-chupacabra

She is not having it– unless “it” is fresh goat blood.

 

4. Kate Upton is the Manananggal

upton-manananggal

Rumors are flying about that she might not only separate from her boyfriend Justin Verlander, but also that she might separate her torso from her legs and fly around terrorizing the locals.

 

5. Kaley Cuoco is the Mongolian Death Worm

cuoco-mongolian-deathworm

We’d had our suspicions all along.

 

One final possibility…

errbody-is-lizards

EVERYONE IS A LIZARD.  ERRBODY IN HOLLYWOOD IS A LIZARD.  EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.  ALL OF THEM.  EVERY ONE. 

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

 

THE SECOND FAPPENING: A GRIM PORTENT

PEOPLE OF AMERICA, A SECOND FAPPENING IS UPON YOU.  WE HAVE COME INTO POSSESSION OF NUDE SELFIES OF THE FOLLOWING PROMINENT INDIVIDUALS, WHICH WE WILL UNLEASH ONTO THE POPULACE IF OUR DEMANDS ARE NOT MET.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.


Alexander, Lamar

Atkinson, Rowan

Bachus, Spencer

Baier, Bret

Beck, Glenn

Beckel, Bob

Belzer, Richard

Biden, Joe

Bieber, Justin

Black, Jack

Blitzer, Wolf

Boehner, John

Bolton, John

Bolton, Michael

Boozman, John

Brownback, Sam

Buchanan, Pat

Burton, Dan

Buscemi, Steve

Busey, Gary

Bush, George H.W.

Butterfield, G.K.

Cain, Herman

Cardin, Ben

Carper, Tom

Carville, James

Cavuto, Neil

Chafee, Lincoln

Chambliss, Saxby

Cheney, Dick

Christie, Chris

Coats, Dan

Coble, Howard

Coltrane, Robbie

Coons, Chris

Crosby, David

Cross, David

Cuomo, Andrew

Curry, Tim

Dafoe, Willem

Daniels, Mitch

DeMint, Jim

Devito, Danny

Doocy, Steve

Franken, Al

Frelinghuysen, Rodney

Giamatti, Paul

Gleeson, Brendan

Gohmert, Louie

Gottfried, Gilbert

Graham, Lindsey

Grint, Rupert

Guzman, Luis

Hagee, John

Hannity, Sean

Hatch, Orrin

Inhofe, Jim

King, Angus

King, Peter

King, Steve

Koch, Charles

Koch, David

Krauthammer, Charles

Kristol, Bill

Limbaugh, Rush

Loaf, Meat

Lovitz, Jon

Macy, William H.

Malkovich, John

McCain, John

McConnell, Mitch

Moore, Michael

Myers, Mike

Nader, Ralph

Nash, Graham

Nolte, Nick

North, Oliver

Nugent, Ted

O’Briain, Dara

O’Reilly, Bill

Osment, Haley Joel

Osteen, Joel

Otter, Butch

Pence, Mike

Perot, H. Ross

Perry, Rick

Rangel, Charlie

Reid, Harry

Reilly, John C.

Richards, Keith

Rivera, Geraldo

Robertson, Pat

Rokita, Todd

Romney, Mitt

Ruppersberger, Dutch

Ryan, Paul

Sajak, Pat

Sanders, Bernie

Sanford, Mark

Schiff, Richard

Shawn, Wallace

Stills, Stephen

Stockman, Steve

Trump, Donald

Waits, Tom

Walken, Christopher

Walker, Scott

Waxman, Henry

Willard, Fred

Williams, Juan

Young, Neil

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Drunk Texting International, July 6, 2014

us-uk

United States to England

12:56 A.M. UTC−05:00

hey!

 

kiribati-australia

Kiribati to Australia

1:27 a.m. UTC+14:00

global warning gettin me so wet can i come over???

 

brazil-earth

Brazil, re: ALL

2:12 a.m. UTC−03:00

FUTEBOL PARTY AT MINHA CASA LOOK AT MY BALLZ LMÃO

 

russia-ukraine

Russia to Ukraine

2:36 a.m. UTC+04:00

am comin over better lev door unlocked comin in anyway baby 😉

 

us-uk

United States to England

2:39 a.m. UTC−05:00

hey, soo…

 

us-uk

United States to England

2:41 A.M. UTC−05:00

hey, you up

 

us-uk

United States to England

2:45 A.M. UTC−05:00

listen, about what i said 238 years ago, i’m sorry

 

china-south-korea

China to South Korea

3:01 a.m. UTC+08:00

sorry kim was a bitch tonite we can do lunch tomorrow ^___^

 

jordan-israel

Jordan to Israel

3:07 a.m. UTC+03:00

omg neighbors STILL throwin a rager  might need to sleep at your place but like just as friends

 

argentina-england

Argentina to England

3:16 a.m. UTC−03:00

keepin las malvinas u left em here

 

india-england

India to England

3:32 a.m. UTC+05:30

chai in the morning?

 

uk-earth

England, re: ALL

3:34 a.m. UTC±00:00

AM TRYING TO SLEEP BUGGER OFF

 

canada-uk

Canada to England

3:40 a.m. UTC−05:00

sorry

 

south-korea-china

South Korea to China

3:48 a.m. UTC+09:00

lol just got a new phone didn’t see you.  that sounds great! ^____^

 

azerbaijan-armenia

Azerbaijan to Armenia

4:31 a.m. UTC+04:00

grudgə fuck?

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Eight Brazilians You Will NOT Believe!

four girls in bikini from behind posing on beachIt’s officially SUMMER!  And you know what that means… not only is it time to hit the BEACH, it’s time to do something about that tangled mass of corruption that you’ve been hiding for months.  In light of that, here are eight Brazilians that you will not believe, mainly because of their implication in the Escândalo do Mensalão (“big monthly payment” scandal) that nearly brought down the presidency of Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva in 2005.

Marcos Valério

marcos-valereio

 

Ramon Hollerbach

Ramon-Hollerbach

 

Cristiano Paz

cristiano-paz

 

Simone Vasconcelos

Simone-Vasconcelos

 

Roberto Jefferson

roberto_jefferson

 

José Dirceu

José-Dirceu

 

Delúbio Soares

delubio-soares

 

José Genoíno

jose-genonio

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

The Terrible World of Panda Drug Addiction EXPOSED!

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As adorable as it may seem at first, this is the face of addiction.  Panda addiction to zhu.

 

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Pandas all over the world are getting hooked on zhu. And it’s a lifestyle that is is killing them.

 

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Zhu is also known by the street names of big grass, bamboo, and Chinese wood.

 

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Many claim that they are only social users of zhu, that they only do it for fun.

 

Giant panda in tree, Wolong Panda Reserve, Sichuan Province, China

Stories float around amongst members of the “in” community of zhu users about all the good times to be had under the influence.

 

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But these stories never dip into the darker side of zhu.  What starts as fun can lead to a sixteen-hour-a-day habit.

 

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After consuming zhu, many pandas become lethargic and lie around on the ground all day.

 

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Others become disoriented and suffer from hallucinations and giggling fits.

 

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Still others become irritable and easily angered.

 

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As dangerous as these individuals can be under the influence…

 

drug-panda-12

…deprive them of zhu and they can become combative, even to the point of attacking law enforcement.

 

drug-panda-1Worse yet, long-term use can lead to a cycle of addiction.  Even children in the panda community become victims, and later train their own children to use zhu.

 

drug-panda-7It is important that we spread awareness of the dangers of zhu, both in the human and panda communities.  Prevention saves lives!

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

What Does the BIBLE Say About CLEAVAGE?

OLD TESTAMENT

 

Genesis

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Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. (Genesis 2:24)

 

Leviticus

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And he shall cleave it with the wings thereof, but shall not divide it asunder: and the priest shall burn it upon the altar, upon the wood that is upon the fire: it is a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by fire, of a sweet savour unto the LORD. (Leviticus 1:17)

 

Deuteronomy

cleave1

But ye that did cleave unto the LORD your God are alive every one of you this day. (Deuteronomy 4:4)

Thou shalt fear the LORD thy God; him shalt thou serve, and to him shalt thou cleave, and swear by his name. (Deuteronomy 10:20)

For if ye shall diligently keep all these commandments which I command you, to do them, to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him; Then will the LORD drive out all these nations from before you, and ye shall possess greater nations and mightier than yourselves. (Deuteronomy 11:22-23)

Ye shall walk after the LORD your God, and fear him, and keep his commandments, and obey his voice, and ye shall serve him, and cleave unto him. (Deuteronomy 13:4)

And there shall cleave nought of the cursed thing to thine hand: that the LORD may turn from the fierceness of his anger, and shew thee mercy, and have compassion upon thee, and multiply thee, as he hath sworn unto thy fathers; When thou shalt hearken to the voice of the LORD thy God, to keep all his commandments which I command thee this day, to do that which is right in the eyes of the LORD thy God. (Deuteronomy 13:17-18)

And every beast that parteth the hoof, and cleaveth the cleft into two claws, and cheweth the cud among the beasts, that ye shall eat. (Deuteronomy 14:6)

The LORD shall make the pestilence cleave unto thee, until he have consumed thee from off the land, whither thou goest to possess it. (Deuteronomy 28:21)

Moreover he will bring upon thee all the diseases of Egypt, which thou wast afraid of; and they shall cleave unto thee. (Deuteronomy 28:60)

That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life, and the length of thy days: that thou mayest dwell in the land which the Lord sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them. (Deuteronomy 30:20)

 

Joshua

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But take diligent heed to do the commandment and the law, which Moses the servant of the LORD charged you, to love the LORD your God, and to walk in all his ways, and to keep his commandments, and to cleave unto him, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul. (Joshua 22:5)

But cleave unto the LORD your God, as ye have done unto this day. (Joshua 23:8)

Else if ye do in any wise go back, and cleave unto the remnant of these nations, even these that remain among you, and shall make marriages with them, and go in unto them, and they to you: Know for a certainty that the LORD your God will no more drive out any of these nations from before you; but they shall be snares and traps unto you, and scourges in your sides, and thorns in your eyes, until ye perish from off this good land which the LORD your God hath given you. (Joshua 23:12-13)

 

2 Kings

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Nevertheless he cleaved unto the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, which made Israel to sin; he departed not therefrom. (2 Kings 3:3)

The leprosy therefore of Naaman shall cleave unto thee, and unto thy seed for ever. And he went out from his presence a leper as white as snow. (2 Kings 5:27)

 

Job

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His archers compass me round about, he cleaveth my reins asunder, and doth not spare; he poureth out my gall upon the ground. (Job 16:13)

My bone cleaveth to my skin and to my flesh, and I am escaped with the skin of my teeth. (Job 19:20)

The nobles held their peace, and their tongue cleaved to the roof of their mouth. (Job 29:10)

If my step hath turned out of the way, and mine heart walked after mine eyes, and if any blot hath cleaved to mine hands; Then let me sow, and let another eat; yea, let my offspring be rooted out. (Job 31:7-8)

When the dust groweth into hardness, and the clods cleave fast together? (Job 38:38)

 

Psalms

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My strength is dried up like a potsherd; and my tongue cleaveth to my jaws; and thou hast brought me into the dust of death. (Psalm 22:15)

An evil disease, say they, cleaveth fast unto him: and now that he lieth he shall rise up no more. (Psalm 41:8)

For our soul is bowed down to the dust: our belly cleaveth unto the earth. (Psalm 44:25)

Thou didst cleave the fountain and the flood: thou driedst up mighty rivers. (Psalm 74:15)

I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me. (Psalm 101:3)

By reason of the voice of my groaning my bones cleave to my skin. (Psalm 102:5)

My soul cleaveth unto the dust: quicken thou me according to thy word. (Psalm 119:25)

If I do not remember thee, let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth; if I prefer not Jerusalem above my chief joy. (Psalm 137:6)

Our bones are scattered at the grave’s mouth, as when one cutteth and cleaveth wood upon the earth. (Psalm 141:7)

 

Ecclesiastes

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Whoso removeth stones shall be hurt therewith; and he that cleaveth wood shall be endangered thereby. (Ecclesiastes 10:9)

 

Song of Solomon

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O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. (Song of Solomon 2:14)

 

Isaiah

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To go into the clefts of the rocks, and into the tops of the ragged rocks, for fear of the LORD, and for the glory of his majesty, when he ariseth to shake terribly the earth. (Isaiah 2:21)

For the LORD will have mercy on Jacob, and will yet choose Israel, and set them in their own land: and the strangers shall be joined with them, and they shall cleave to the house of Jacob. (Isaiah 14:1)

 

Jeremiah

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For as the girdle cleaveth to the loins of a man, so have I caused to cleave unto me the whole house of Israel and the whole house of Judah, saith the LORD; that they might be unto me for a people, and for a name, and for a praise, and for a glory: but they would not hear. (Jeremiah 13:11)

Thy terribleness hath deceived thee, and the pride of thine heart, O thou that dwellest in the clefts of the rock, that holdest the height of the hill: though thou shouldest make thy nest as high as the eagle, I will bring thee down from thence, saith the LORD. (Jeremiah 49:16)

 

Lamentations

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The tongue of the sucking child cleaveth to the roof of his mouth for thirst: the young children ask bread, and no man breaketh it unto them. (Lamentations 4:4)

Their visage is blacker than a coal; they are not known in the streets: their skin cleaveth to their bones; it is withered, it is become like a stick. (Lamentations 4:8)

 

Ezekiel

Adriana Lima Victoria's Secret beautiful models from the sky a great cleavage.

And I will make thy tongue cleave to the roof of thy mouth, that thou shalt be dumb, and shalt not be to them a reprover: for they are a rebellious house. (Ezekiel 3:26)

 

Daniel

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And whereas thou sawest iron mixed with miry clay, they shall mingle themselves with the seed of men: but they shall not cleave one to another, even as iron is not mixed with clay. (Daniel 2:43)

Now when they shall fall, they shall be holpen with a little help: but many shall cleave to them with flatteries. (Daniel 11:34)

 

Amos

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For, behold, the Lord commandeth, and he will smite the great house with breaches, and the little house with clefts. (Amos 6:11)

 

Obadiah

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The pride of thine heart hath deceived thee, thou that dwellest in the clefts of the rock, whose habitation is high; that saith in his heart, Who shall bring me down to the ground? (Obadiah 1:3)

 

Micah

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And the mountains shall be molten under him, and the valleys shall be cleft, as wax before the fire, and as the waters that are poured down a steep place. (Micah 1:4)

 

Habakkuk

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Thy bow was made quite naked, according to the oaths of the tribes, even thy word. Selah. Thou didst cleave the earth with rivers. (Habakkuk 3:9)

 

Zechariah

cleave15

And his feet shall stand in that day upon the mount of Olives, which is before Jerusalem on the east, and the mount of Olives shall cleave in the midst thereof toward the east and toward the west, and there shall be a very great valley; and half of the mountain shall remove toward the north, and half of it toward the south. (Zechariah 14:4)

 

NEW TESTAMENT

 

Matthew

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And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? (Matthew 19:5)

 

Mark

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For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. (Mark 10:7-8)

 

Luke

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Even the very dust of your city, which cleaveth on us, we do wipe off against you: notwithstanding be ye sure of this, that the kingdom of God is come nigh unto you. (Luke 10:11)

 

Acts

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Who, when he came, and had seen the grace of God, was glad, and exhorted them all, that with purpose of heart they would cleave unto the Lord. (Acts 11:23)

 

Romans

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Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good. (Romans 12:9)

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Thirteen Fancy Types of -Mancy for Friday the Thirteenth!

the-craft

Thank Goddess it’s Friday the Thirteenth– and a Friday the Thirteenth with a full moon, nonetheless!  While kicking back tonight and watching The Craft for the umpteenth time is certainly not a bad plan, there’s all sorts of magick you could be working yourself tonight.  We’ve compiled a list of thirteen of our favorite techniques for divination.  Check ’em out!

 

13. Gyromancy

Gyromancy involves laying out letters or symbols on the ground, then spinning in a circle until dizzy (with or without putting your forehead on a baseball bat).  Whichever direction you stumble… that means something!  The down-side, of course, is all the physical activity involved, plus the fact that the magical act itself may make you puke. Continue reading