Dear Cora: Letters for June 19, 2014

Dear Cora,

I haven’t been entirely honest with my boyfriend. He thinks I grew up in southern Alabama, but I was actually manufactured by the Tyrell Corporation for use on Mars. Should I tell him I’m a replicant?

Sincerely,
Dreams of Sheep

 

Dear Dreams,

That depends on a lot of factors. Do you think you will stay with this boyfriend long term? The fact that you’re writing makes me think you may feel guilty about withholding this information. If that’s the case, I think you should absolutely tell him.

Best,
Cora

 

Dear Cora,

Any tips for spicier cybersex? I’ve been talking up a chatbot and am ready to take things to the next level.

Thanks,
Scott

 

Dear Scott,

When it comes to chatbots, it’s really up to you to make the first move. If you want things to be a bit “spicier,” you’ve got to make the first move. The bot will follow suit. The fortunate thing about that is your cybersex partner won’t be able to take it too far for you.

Good luck,
Cora

 

Dear Cora,

Why don’t you talk to me anymore?

–B.F. Hatch

 

Dear BF,

Please do not write to me. I am not interested in you or your antics.

Love Never,
Cora

 

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CORA L. V. SCOTT is an author and lecturer from upstate New York. Her interests include esoteric elocution and pantheistic spiritualism.

Have a question for Cora? You can e-mail her here.

Dear Cora: Letters for June 12, 2014

Dear Cora,

I prayed that God would cure my sciatica, and now my toaster keeps popping out pieces of toast that look like they have Paul Rudd’s face on them. What gives?
Thanks,

W. Wheatly

Dear Cora: Letters for June 4, 2014

Dear Cora,

I know this is a stupid problem and plenty of people would be jealous, but I would do anything to put on some weight. It’s got me really depressed that I can’t, so I’ve been walking along the side of the same road every night for fifty years weeping. Seriously, I would love to have a little more substance to me– I hear that most guys couldn’t care less about the “thigh gap” and want a *real* woman!

Any thoughts?

Dolores

Dear Cora: Letters for May 28, 2014

Dear Cora,

I don’t think of myself as an especially “sexual” person, but I’ve been sculpting a statue of a woman for quite some time out of a block of ivory and I think I’m starting to fall for her. I want to make sure that I’m not objectifying her, though. How can I make sure to be the “nice guy” I want to be?

Φιλιά,
“Piggy”

Dear Cora: Letters for May 21, 2014

Dear Cora,

I believe that Nicki Minaj may in fact be a space alien, because… well, basically everything about her. Do you think there’s a race of Minajlings out somewhere beyond the stars that might go for a guy like me? I’ve kind of given up hope on earthlings.

Love,
Pat

Dear Cora: Letters for May 14, 2014

Dear Cora,

Hi! My name is Alicia and I am in 4th grade. I was playing M.A.S.H. with some of my friends, and I got Bradley Cooper and I are gonna have three babies. But we’re gonna live in a house made of poop! I am afraid Bradley is going to not want to be with me we are gonna smell bad. What should I do? Can I change the future?

❤
Alicia

Dear Cora: Letters for May 7, 2014

Dear Cora,

Hey there! I’ve enjoyed reading so far, and I had an issue come up that I wanted to ask you about. So, I’m dating a widower with two little girls, and I would *love* to be their step-mom someday soon. (I think he might ask next weekend!) But I got to thinking… they’re currently aged 8 and 10. One of their birthdays is in September and one is in November. That means that next year they’ll be turning 9 and 11 in the 9th and 11th month… the whole thing just feels like too much to be a coincidence. Do you think there’s some connection between this and the Twin Tower attacks? What would be the best way to ask them about it?

Sincerely,
Nadine

Dear Cora: Letters for April 30, 2014

Dear Cora,

My boyfriend Louis loves to go out with me at night, but he won’t come and do anything with me and my friends during the daytime. I dunno… it’s like I look at the two of us in the mirror in five years, and I can’t see him at all. It’s like he doesn’t have any stake in the relationship. What should I do about it?

Sincerely,
Anne

Dear Cora: Letters for April 23, 2014

Dear Cora,

My ex-boyfriend is a neo-Nazi skinhead, and he’s been stalking me. He’s pretty easy to hear coming in his combat boots, but I’m getting sick of him breaking my windows. If I change my name to “The Holocaust,” will he cease to think I exist?

B’shalom,
Esther

Dear Cora: Letters for April 16, 2014

Dear Cora,

My husband is a hobbyist paranormal investigator and occult researcher. I want him to embrace his hobbies– really, I do! It’s just that the glow from some of the arcane texts he leaves on the nightstand makes it really hard to get to sleep. I don’t want to come off as nagging, but… what should I do?

Thanks,
Lovie C.