Beards: The Sexy Face of Face-Sex

Unless you live under a rock, chances are you’re aware of who Hall and Oates are and have probably heard at least ONE of their songs. But here’s something you might not know: John Oates was nothing more than a mustache who played guitar while Daryl Hall was in front of the stage absolutely KILLING IT!!!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to take anything away from him because he wrote or co-wrote a good chunk of the H&O repertoire. However, what’s he done lately?!?!?! Huh?!?!?! Yeah, that’s right: NOTHING! John Oates hasn’t done shit since 1989 when he shaved off one of the top-five mustaches of all time. (For the record, Freddie Mercury had the greatest mustache of all time.)

Top Five Mustaches

1. Freddie Mercury
2. Tom Selleck
3. Burt Reynolds
4. Alex Trebek
5. John Oates

Argue me, I dare you.

John Oates was swimming in so much soft-rock, easy-listening pussy that he felt like he needed to shave the ‘stache because he just couldn’t take it anymore. Can you imagine having SO MUCH PUSSY that you have to shave your ‘stache to calm it down?!?! Man, that’s a problem I’d like to have…well, if I could grow a mustache. Seriously, I’ve seen girls who have better mustaches than I do.

Daryl Hall took a page from Oates’ playbook and is now sporting a beard because CHICKS DIG BEARDS!!! Trust me, just ask any of the Ladies of Twitter, they’ll let you know.

Hall has his show, “Live from Daryl’s House” and it’s a great show. He brings in guests to jam and they stream it live as well as record it for playback. In addition to jamming with all of the amazing celebrity-guests, his wife us SMOKING! For real, she’s damn sure a M.I.L.F!

So, what I’m trying to say is this: grow your mustache, or even your beard. It’s certainly working for Billy Gibbons.

 

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ROBERT JOHNSON is a singer/songwriter from Hazlehurst, Mississippi.  His interests include liquor, women, and a proclivity for loitering around the crossroads in the dead of night.

Cut the Shit and Listen to Some Good Shit For Once!

Any person worth half their salt doesn’t listen to shitty music; at least not from their perspective. However, to others, some of it is SHIT!!! My point is that there is some really shitty music out there.

One Direction is the latest in a thousand-mile long list of boy bands. The Beatles were a boy band too…BUT THEY PLAYED THEIR OWN GEAR! The problem I have with One Direction is that they’re doing everything they can to control our minds. From the Pepsi commercials they’ve done to all of the ridiculous fan gear. UGH!

Don’t get me wrong, I own my fair share of band shirts, but it’s not like I’ve bought Led Zeppelin pencils and erasers or a Cat Stevens-sponsored burqa for my non-Muslim wife. I’ve seen my fair share of concerts and bought a fair share of concert t-shirts because I listen to a shit-ton of music. My mp3nis is HUGE! (ask your mother, she knows) Seriously, I have over 5k songs and they range from full albums by Metallica, Alison Krauss, the Who as well as Ike and Tina Turner. I have a really wide musical taste and because I play a multitude of instruments, I’ve learned to play a shit-ton of songs; on guitar especially.

Cat Stevens (Yusuf Islam) wrote a song called, “Wild World”, which I learned to play a few years ago, and as I listened to this song earlier today, I couldn’t help but try to figure out what the FUCK he meant. Was he trying to tell “baby” that he really didn’t want her to end the relationship? Or was he reacting to the breakup in such a childish fashion that he felt as though he had to degrade “baby” by telling her that her only qualities were the fact that she had nice clothes and she was pretty?

The song was released in ’70, when Yusuf was 22. The woman the song was allegedly written about was 19. This is a sample of the conversation I would have had with him:

Me: “Dude, Cat, sit down with me, buddy. Did you ever sit down to think about the fact that you were a junior in high school before this chick even made it TO high school?! That’s done serious cradle robbing in that era of your existence.”
Cat: “…….”

I can’t really wrap my brain around his, sorry.

The point I’m making is this: regardless of what was going through his brain as he was recovering from TB, he wrote a great lyrical song. By the way, what kind of person leaves a partner when they’re sick/recovering from TB?! That’s shady, lady.

Sorry, I got distracted. Getting back to my original thought process, QUIT LISTENING TO SHITTY MUSIC!!! Expand your mind by listening to non-produced music. Go to wherever you acquire music (even if it’s online) and find the most obscure CD you can find. Seriously, it’s quite rewarding.

 

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ROBERT JOHNSON is a singer/songwriter from Hazlehurst, Mississippi.  His interests include liquor, women, and a proclivity for loitering around the crossroads in the dead of night.