advice

Dear Cora: Letters for June 19, 2014

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Dear Cora,

I haven’t been entirely honest with my boyfriend. He thinks I grew up in southern Alabama, but I was actually manufactured by the Tyrell Corporation for use on Mars. Should I tell him I’m a replicant?

Sincerely,
Dreams of Sheep

 

Dear Dreams,

That depends on a lot of factors. Do you think you will stay with this boyfriend long term? The fact that you’re writing makes me think you may feel guilty about withholding this information. If that’s the case, I think you should absolutely tell him.

Best,
Cora

 

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Dear Cora,

Any tips for spicier cybersex? I’ve been talking up a chatbot and am ready to take things to the next level.

Thanks,
Scott

 

Dear Scott,

When it comes to chatbots, it’s really up to you to make the first move. If you want things to be a bit “spicier,” you’ve got to make the first move. The bot will follow suit. The fortunate thing about that is your cybersex partner won’t be able to take it too far for you.

Good luck,
Cora

 

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Dear Cora,

Why don’t you talk to me anymore?

–B.F. Hatch

 

Dear BF,

Please do not write to me. I am not interested in you or your antics.

Love Never,
Cora

 

cora

CORA L. V. SCOTT is an author and lecturer from upstate New York. Her interests include esoteric elocution and pantheistic spiritualism.

Have a question for Cora? You can e-mail her here.

Dear Cora: Letters for June 4, 2014

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Dear Cora,

I know this is a stupid problem and plenty of people would be jealous, but I would do anything to put on some weight. It’s got me really depressed that I can’t, so I’ve been walking along the side of the same road every night for fifty years weeping. Seriously, I would love to have a little more substance to me– I hear that most guys couldn’t care less about the “thigh gap” and want a *real* woman!

Any thoughts?

Dolores Continue reading →

Dear Cora: Letters for May 28, 2014

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Dear Cora,

I don’t think of myself as an especially “sexual” person, but I’ve been sculpting a statue of a woman for quite some time out of a block of ivory and I think I’m starting to fall for her. I want to make sure that I’m not objectifying her, though. How can I make sure to be the “nice guy” I want to be?

Φιλιά,
“Piggy” Continue reading →

Dear Cora: Letters for May 7, 2014

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Dear Cora,

Hey there! I’ve enjoyed reading so far, and I had an issue come up that I wanted to ask you about. So, I’m dating a widower with two little girls, and I would *love* to be their step-mom someday soon. (I think he might ask next weekend!) But I got to thinking… they’re currently aged 8 and 10. One of their birthdays is in September and one is in November. That means that next year they’ll be turning 9 and 11 in the 9th and 11th month… the whole thing just feels like too much to be a coincidence. Do you think there’s some connection between this and the Twin Tower attacks? What would be the best way to ask them about it?

Sincerely,
Nadine Continue reading →

Dear Cora: Letters for April 30, 2014

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Dear Cora,

My boyfriend Louis loves to go out with me at night, but he won’t come and do anything with me and my friends during the daytime. I dunno… it’s like I look at the two of us in the mirror in five years, and I can’t see him at all. It’s like he doesn’t have any stake in the relationship. What should I do about it?

Sincerely,
Anne Continue reading →

100000 Ways to Please Your Robot Lover

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Danger, Will Robinson!  Danger!  Your relationship with your robot lover feels like more of a zero than a one.  Relax, it happens to all of us.  Just follow these 100000 tips and you’ll be running at 100% capacity in no time!

 

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Before anything else, run a virus scan.  A clean robot is a happy robot, and you don’t want to be picking anything up from him. Continue reading →