If Orange Is the New Black, What Is the New Orange?

Have you binge-watched the second season of Orange Is the New Black yet?  (We haven’t had a chance to– don’t spoil it for us!)  If it’s anything like Season One, though, we know we’re going to love it.  And we have no idea how Piper is going to get out of that incident in the finale.

What we want to talk about today is a more wide-ranging problem introduced by the series title.  If orange is the new black, then… well… what is the new orange?

Fifteen HILARIOUS Ways You’ll React to the Next Highly Addictive Drug Craze!

1. When your future dealer tricks you into taking your first hit.

 

2. As you try to avoid the cops while waiting on your dealer to get that next precious hit.

Kyz Kuu: The Game You’re Not Playing with Your Lover (But Should Be!)

Looking for a way to spice up your love life?  Or maybe you’re just trying to get that first kiss from that special someone?  Forget OkCupid and eHarmony– in Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, and Azerbaijan, horses are where it’s at!

Ten Good Reasons to Objectify Women

Do You Have… IT?

Everyone wants it.  Everyone is searching for it.  Some go their whole lives without it, but you might have it and not even know.

So what is… it?

JINGLE HELLS: 5 Reasons Santa Is One of THEM

I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus.  Since then, the black helicopters have been everywhere.  I don’t have much time, so I wanted to share with you what I’ve gathered thus far.

After Yang: Finding Meaning in a Life without Cristina

Oooooh boy.  Deeeeeep breaths.  We don’t know about you, but we’re huge fans of Grey’s Anatomy here at Illuminaughty Boutique, and… last night’s episode was hard.  No spoilers here– we promise!– though we will let you know that Sandra Oh is apparently still alive and well.  It was just really, really emotionally hard.

We all feel vulnerable right now.  After all, we just lost our “person.”  The question now becomes… how do we go on with life?

Ten Entities Your Children Can Summon on Boring, Rainy Days

Dear readers,

I have been approached by some of my colleagues and temple adherents as to ways they can keep their children engaged on rainy days when outdoor activities are limited while also providing an effect introduction to the occult. Well, one of the easiest options is summoning rituals. Most only require things already possessed in most households: salt, candles, dark-magic grimoires and a little dash of blood. Most are also composed of simple chants easily ingrained through rote recitations before the rituals are attempted. The only truly difficult aspect is crafting the elaborate circles for a few of those listed below, but that will take up more time, build a sense of suspense and teach your progeny the importance of patience.

 

10. Ouija Board

This one would have ranked higher on the list, but it takes some forethought to have such a board on hand. However, if you do, it’s simple enough to make use of. Turn out the lights, ignite a candle and be prepared to have your questions answered.

Ten Ways To Keep Your Children Safe from Indoctrination in Public Schools

Public school.  You know it’s a place full of bad influences: drugs, queers, evolution.  And yet you are a hard-working parent doing your best to get by– home schooling is expensive even without factoring in your lost income!  It’s just not a possibility for everyone.  Because of that, we’ve put together a list of ten things you can do as a concerned parent to make sure your little love-sponge isn’t going to soak up all the horror that is public school.

Coxsackie, New York: Home of Swing ‘n’ Meet 2014

Our planning committee has met, and we’ve picked Coxsackie, New York, as the home of the Illuminaughty Boutique Swing ‘n’ Meet, on Sunday, July 26, 2014!  Voting was tight, but in the end Coxsackie beat out nearby Cummington, Massachusetts for the win.