The Terrible World of Panda Drug Addiction EXPOSED!

As adorable as it may seem at first, this is the face of addiction.  Panda addiction to zhu.

 

Pandas all over the world are getting hooked on zhu. And it’s a lifestyle that is is killing them.

 

Zhu is also known by the street names of big grass, bamboo, and Chinese wood.

 

Many claim that they are only social users of zhu, that they only do it for fun.

 

Stories float around amongst members of the “in” community of zhu users about all the good times to be had under the influence.

 

But these stories never dip into the darker side of zhu.  What starts as fun can lead to a sixteen-hour-a-day habit.

 

After consuming zhu, many pandas become lethargic and lie around on the ground all day.

 

Others become disoriented and suffer from hallucinations and giggling fits.

 

Still others become irritable and easily angered.

 

As dangerous as these individuals can be under the influence…

 

…deprive them of zhu and they can become combative, even to the point of attacking law enforcement.

 

Worse yet, long-term use can lead to a cycle of addiction.  Even children in the panda community become victims, and later train their own children to use zhu.

 

It is important that we spread awareness of the dangers of zhu, both in the human and panda communities.  Prevention saves lives!

 

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ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Who Run the World? Psy + Snoop Dog’s “Hangover” vs. A Drug-Addled Panda

In this installment of “Who Run the World?” we’re looking at two trends that are rocking the globe: K-Pop and recreational drugs.

“Hangover”

Two of the world’s biggest stars, together at last

 

That scene with the shot-glass domino effect was bitchin’

 

We cannot imagine a more fun time in the world than skipping through an amusement park with Psy and Snoop

 

Drug-Addled Pandas

Lie around sleeping all day

 

Prone to flying into berserk rage

 

Looked down upon by their closest relatives

 

Winner: Drug-Addled Pandas

Surprised?  We’re looking at a few angles on this one.  First off, “Hangover” was a great song, but it’s not nearly as catchy as “Gangnam Style” or “Gentleman,” and we think that’s because so little of it is actually in Korean.  If we want to listen to K-Pop, we want to listen to a language that most of us (except for our friends Myeongyun and Hyun Jin) can’t understand.

But there’s a more serious issue at work.  Think about how addictive drugs are.  And think about how addictive pandas are.  If you don’t know how addictive pandas are, take a look at the Panda Cam for a few days straight.  Now mix the two and see if you don’t find a way to bring society to its knees.

 

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ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Fifteen HILARIOUS Ways You’ll React to the Next Highly Addictive Drug Craze!

1. When your future dealer tricks you into taking your first hit.

 

2. As you try to avoid the cops while waiting on your dealer to get that next precious hit.

After Yang: Finding Meaning in a Life without Cristina

Oooooh boy.  Deeeeeep breaths.  We don’t know about you, but we’re huge fans of Grey’s Anatomy here at Illuminaughty Boutique, and… last night’s episode was hard.  No spoilers here– we promise!– though we will let you know that Sandra Oh is apparently still alive and well.  It was just really, really emotionally hard.

We all feel vulnerable right now.  After all, we just lost our “person.”  The question now becomes… how do we go on with life?