The Terrible World of Panda Drug Addiction EXPOSED!


As adorable as it may seem at first, this is the face of addiction.  Panda addiction to zhu.



Pandas all over the world are getting hooked on zhu. And it’s a lifestyle that is is killing them.



Zhu is also known by the street names of big grass, bamboo, and Chinese wood.



Many claim that they are only social users of zhu, that they only do it for fun.


Giant panda in tree, Wolong Panda Reserve, Sichuan Province, China

Stories float around amongst members of the “in” community of zhu users about all the good times to be had under the influence.



But these stories never dip into the darker side of zhu.  What starts as fun can lead to a sixteen-hour-a-day habit.



After consuming zhu, many pandas become lethargic and lie around on the ground all day.



Others become disoriented and suffer from hallucinations and giggling fits.



Still others become irritable and easily angered.



As dangerous as these individuals can be under the influence…



…deprive them of zhu and they can become combative, even to the point of attacking law enforcement.


drug-panda-1Worse yet, long-term use can lead to a cycle of addiction.  Even children in the panda community become victims, and later train their own children to use zhu.


drug-panda-7It is important that we spread awareness of the dangers of zhu, both in the human and panda communities.  Prevention saves lives!


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Thirteen Fancy Types of -Mancy for Friday the Thirteenth!


Thank Goddess it’s Friday the Thirteenth– and a Friday the Thirteenth with a full moon, nonetheless!  While kicking back tonight and watching The Craft for the umpteenth time is certainly not a bad plan, there’s all sorts of magick you could be working yourself tonight.  We’ve compiled a list of thirteen of our favorite techniques for divination.  Check ’em out!


13. Gyromancy

Gyromancy involves laying out letters or symbols on the ground, then spinning in a circle until dizzy (with or without putting your forehead on a baseball bat).  Whichever direction you stumble… that means something!  The down-side, of course, is all the physical activity involved, plus the fact that the magical act itself may make you puke. Continue reading

Dear Cora: Letters for June 4, 2014

black heart

Dear Cora,

I know this is a stupid problem and plenty of people would be jealous, but I would do anything to put on some weight. It’s got me really depressed that I can’t, so I’ve been walking along the side of the same road every night for fifty years weeping. Seriously, I would love to have a little more substance to me– I hear that most guys couldn’t care less about the “thigh gap” and want a *real* woman!

Any thoughts?

Dolores Continue reading

Top 20 Pick-up Lines for Conspiracy Theorists


Special thanks to this blog post, this comic, and viewers like you.

20. I thought the weather was being controlled by HAARP, but that was just the angels singing your name.

19. Are you affiliated with the Illuminati?  Because you light up my life.

18. Wanna know my favorite part of your body? The microchip implanted by the government.

17. The end isn’t the only thing that’s coming. Continue reading

Dear Cora: Letters for May 28, 2014

black heart

Dear Cora,

I don’t think of myself as an especially “sexual” person, but I’ve been sculpting a statue of a woman for quite some time out of a block of ivory and I think I’m starting to fall for her. I want to make sure that I’m not objectifying her, though. How can I make sure to be the “nice guy” I want to be?

“Piggy” Continue reading

Four Rockin’ Paleo Cosmetics that Scream “Yabba Dabba Do Me!”


Paleo is all the rage these days.  Advocates of the paleo diet say it’s the key to cutting body fat, increasing energy levels, and looking and feeling your best.  Here at Illuminaughty Boutique, we believe that it is more important to look good than to feel good, and we find ourselves wondering– could paleo cosmetics have the same benefits?  Let’s find out! Continue reading