Dear Cora: Letters for June 19, 2014

Dear Cora,

I haven’t been entirely honest with my boyfriend. He thinks I grew up in southern Alabama, but I was actually manufactured by the Tyrell Corporation for use on Mars. Should I tell him I’m a replicant?

Sincerely,
Dreams of Sheep

 

Dear Dreams,

That depends on a lot of factors. Do you think you will stay with this boyfriend long term? The fact that you’re writing makes me think you may feel guilty about withholding this information. If that’s the case, I think you should absolutely tell him.

Best,
Cora

 

Dear Cora,

Any tips for spicier cybersex? I’ve been talking up a chatbot and am ready to take things to the next level.

Thanks,
Scott

 

Dear Scott,

When it comes to chatbots, it’s really up to you to make the first move. If you want things to be a bit “spicier,” you’ve got to make the first move. The bot will follow suit. The fortunate thing about that is your cybersex partner won’t be able to take it too far for you.

Good luck,
Cora

 

Dear Cora,

Why don’t you talk to me anymore?

–B.F. Hatch

 

Dear BF,

Please do not write to me. I am not interested in you or your antics.

Love Never,
Cora

 

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CORA L. V. SCOTT is an author and lecturer from upstate New York. Her interests include esoteric elocution and pantheistic spiritualism.

Have a question for Cora? You can e-mail her here.

eFertility Profile: Epona

Personal Statement

My name is Epona, and I’m a horse nut :-). I raise several different varieties and train them for various equestrian competitions.

Age

Roughly 2,500. I’m the baby of my pantheon.

Dear Cora: Letters for June 12, 2014

Dear Cora,

I prayed that God would cure my sciatica, and now my toaster keeps popping out pieces of toast that look like they have Paul Rudd’s face on them. What gives?
Thanks,

W. Wheatly

USGS Lovequake Update: June 12, 2014

M 2.7 – 11km S of Laytonville, California

Time: 2014-06-12 10:55:23 UTC-04:00

Location: 39.585°N 123.462°W

Depth: 5.1″

Actor(s): Saul and Peggy Rubenstein

Description: wet slapping

EXCERPT: Palpitating Hearts, by Olivia C. Dennis

He looked deeply into her eyes.  “Kiss me,” she said.

“I’ll go get a dental dam,” he said, and he threw her down onto the clean linen sheets.  They were cool against her cheek, and she could tell by the way they felt on her skin that they were high thread count– somewhere around 240.  Kenneth was all she had ever wanted, but could he be her destruction?  After all, the Ns in his name were in the middle, but they were not perfectly centered, a fact she noticed after having written his name 77 times on loose-leaf paper.

Dear Cora: Letters for June 4, 2014

Dear Cora,

I know this is a stupid problem and plenty of people would be jealous, but I would do anything to put on some weight. It’s got me really depressed that I can’t, so I’ve been walking along the side of the same road every night for fifty years weeping. Seriously, I would love to have a little more substance to me– I hear that most guys couldn’t care less about the “thigh gap” and want a *real* woman!

Any thoughts?

Dolores

Kyz Kuu: The Game You’re Not Playing with Your Lover (But Should Be!)

Looking for a way to spice up your love life?  Or maybe you’re just trying to get that first kiss from that special someone?  Forget OkCupid and eHarmony– in Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, and Azerbaijan, horses are where it’s at!

Top 20 Pick-up Lines for Conspiracy Theorists

Special thanks to this blog post, this comic, and viewers like you.

20. I thought the weather was being controlled by HAARP, but that was just the angels singing your name.

19. Are you affiliated with the Illuminati?  Because you light up my life.

18. Wanna know my favorite part of your body? The microchip implanted by the government.

17. The end isn’t the only thing that’s coming.

Dear Cora: Letters for May 28, 2014

Dear Cora,

I don’t think of myself as an especially “sexual” person, but I’ve been sculpting a statue of a woman for quite some time out of a block of ivory and I think I’m starting to fall for her. I want to make sure that I’m not objectifying her, though. How can I make sure to be the “nice guy” I want to be?

Φιλιά,
“Piggy”

Do You Have… IT?

Everyone wants it.  Everyone is searching for it.  Some go their whole lives without it, but you might have it and not even know.

So what is… it?