Seven Hotties Ranked on the Bristol Scale

 1. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

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Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass).

 

2. Channing Tatum

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Type 2: Sausage-shaped, but lumpy.

 

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Top Ten Folk Cures for AIDS

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Since its introduction into Africa by the CIA in the late 1970s, HIV/AIDS has ravaged the continent and beyond, and the people of the world clamor for a cure.  Thankfully, a handful of individuals and entrepreneurs are hard at work to find a cure, if only by trial and error.  In this article, we highlight some of the most notable efforts.

 

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10. Sex with a virgin

Contrary to popular belief, the idea of the restorative powers of virgin-sex are not an invention of “savage Africans” who “lack morals”; the myth likely is a colonial transplant from some of the most moralistic people of all times, the Victorians.  The overall idea is that, to cleanse yourself of your vile infection, you need to wipe yourself off with something clean.  That “something clean” being a person.

Pros:

  • (If consensual): Some good, clean fun.
  • (If with a child): Not technically pederasty, since it’s not based on attraction to children.

Cons:

  • (If non-consensual): This is rape, a crime considered in many societies to be on par with murder.
  • (If with a child): The phrase “not technically pederasty” should never be used to justify anything.  Ever.
  • Does not actually cure AIDS.  In fact, it spreads HIV.  Oh you damned, damned Victorians– how did you dream this up?

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