Seven Hotties Ranked on the Bristol Scale

 1. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

dwayne-johnson

Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass).

 

2. Channing Tatum

channing-tatum

Type 2: Sausage-shaped, but lumpy.

 

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45 LOL-Worthy Things Only 800-Year-Old Vampires Understand

Over the course of the last few months, I have had the privilege to have taken up correspondence with an upstanding young gentleman who currently resides in the northern reaches of Washington State, known to me simply by the initials R.H.

Most recently, he has confided in me, overthe course of several epistles, that his youthful visage is a mask for a much older soul. He claims to be one of the nosferatu, a vampire. Before he was turned, as he described, in 1247, he was born in was is now Belgrade in the Year of Our Lord 1214, exactly 800 years ago.

After he made this revelation to me, I implored him to detail how much our world has changed since he began his journey. The following is an abridged excerpt of his experience these last 800 years. Continue reading