PEOPLE OF AMERICA, A SECOND FAPPENING IS UPON YOU. WE HAVE COME INTO POSSESSION OF NUDE SELFIES OF THE FOLLOWING PROMINENT INDIVIDUALS, WHICH WE WILL UNLEASH ONTO THE POPULACE IF OUR DEMANDS ARE NOT MET. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
Alexander, Lamar
Atkinson, Rowan
Bachus, Spencer
Baier, Bret
Beck, Glenn
Beckel, Bob
Belzer, Richard
Biden, Joe
Bieber, Justin
Black, Jack
Blitzer, Wolf
Boehner, John
Bolton, John
Bolton, Michael
Boozman, John
Brownback, Sam
Buchanan, Pat
Burton, Dan
Buscemi, Steve
Busey, Gary
Bush, George H.W.
Butterfield, G.K.
Cain, Herman
Cardin, Ben
Carper, Tom
Carville, James
Cavuto, Neil
Chafee, Lincoln
Chambliss, Saxby
Cheney, Dick
Christie, Chris
Coats, Dan
Coble, Howard
Coltrane, Robbie
Coons, Chris
Crosby, David
Cross, David
Cuomo, Andrew
Curry, Tim
Dafoe, Willem
Daniels, Mitch
DeMint, Jim
Devito, Danny
Doocy, Steve
Franken, Al
Frelinghuysen, Rodney
Giamatti, Paul
Gleeson, Brendan
Gohmert, Louie
Gottfried, Gilbert
Graham, Lindsey
Grint, Rupert
Guzman, Luis
Hagee, John
Hannity, Sean
Hatch, Orrin
Inhofe, Jim
King, Angus
King, Peter
King, Steve
Koch, Charles
Koch, David
Krauthammer, Charles
Kristol, Bill
Limbaugh, Rush
Loaf, Meat
Lovitz, Jon
Macy, William H.
Malkovich, John
McCain, John
McConnell, Mitch
Moore, Michael
Myers, Mike
Nader, Ralph
Nash, Graham
Nolte, Nick
North, Oliver
Nugent, Ted
O’Briain, Dara
O’Reilly, Bill
Osment, Haley Joel
Osteen, Joel
Otter, Butch
Pence, Mike
Perot, H. Ross
Perry, Rick
Rangel, Charlie
Reid, Harry
Reilly, John C.
Richards, Keith
Rivera, Geraldo
Robertson, Pat
Rokita, Todd
Romney, Mitt
Ruppersberger, Dutch
Ryan, Paul
Sajak, Pat
Sanders, Bernie
Sanford, Mark
Schiff, Richard
Shawn, Wallace
Stills, Stephen
Stockman, Steve
Trump, Donald
Waits, Tom
Walken, Christopher
Walker, Scott
Waxman, Henry
Willard, Fred
Williams, Juan
Young, Neil
ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.
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