THE SECOND FAPPENING: A GRIM PORTENT

PEOPLE OF AMERICA, A SECOND FAPPENING IS UPON YOU.  WE HAVE COME INTO POSSESSION OF NUDE SELFIES OF THE FOLLOWING PROMINENT INDIVIDUALS, WHICH WE WILL UNLEASH ONTO THE POPULACE IF OUR DEMANDS ARE NOT MET.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.


Alexander, Lamar

Atkinson, Rowan

Bachus, Spencer

Baier, Bret

Beck, Glenn

Beckel, Bob

Belzer, Richard

Biden, Joe

Bieber, Justin

Black, Jack

Blitzer, Wolf

Boehner, John

Bolton, John

Bolton, Michael

Boozman, John

Brownback, Sam

Buchanan, Pat

Burton, Dan

Buscemi, Steve

Busey, Gary

Bush, George H.W.

Butterfield, G.K.

Cain, Herman

Cardin, Ben

Carper, Tom

Carville, James

Cavuto, Neil

Chafee, Lincoln

Chambliss, Saxby

Cheney, Dick

Christie, Chris

Coats, Dan

Coble, Howard

Coltrane, Robbie

Coons, Chris

Crosby, David

Cross, David

Cuomo, Andrew

Curry, Tim

Dafoe, Willem

Daniels, Mitch

DeMint, Jim

Devito, Danny

Doocy, Steve

Franken, Al

Frelinghuysen, Rodney

Giamatti, Paul

Gleeson, Brendan

Gohmert, Louie

Gottfried, Gilbert

Graham, Lindsey

Grint, Rupert

Guzman, Luis

Hagee, John

Hannity, Sean

Hatch, Orrin

Inhofe, Jim

King, Angus

King, Peter

King, Steve

Koch, Charles

Koch, David

Krauthammer, Charles

Kristol, Bill

Limbaugh, Rush

Loaf, Meat

Lovitz, Jon

Macy, William H.

Malkovich, John

McCain, John

McConnell, Mitch

Moore, Michael

Myers, Mike

Nader, Ralph

Nash, Graham

Nolte, Nick

North, Oliver

Nugent, Ted

O’Briain, Dara

O’Reilly, Bill

Osment, Haley Joel

Osteen, Joel

Otter, Butch

Pence, Mike

Perot, H. Ross

Perry, Rick

Rangel, Charlie

Reid, Harry

Reilly, John C.

Richards, Keith

Rivera, Geraldo

Robertson, Pat

Rokita, Todd

Romney, Mitt

Ruppersberger, Dutch

Ryan, Paul

Sajak, Pat

Sanders, Bernie

Sanford, Mark

Schiff, Richard

Shawn, Wallace

Stills, Stephen

Stockman, Steve

Trump, Donald

Waits, Tom

Walken, Christopher

Walker, Scott

Waxman, Henry

Willard, Fred

Williams, Juan

Young, Neil

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Drunk Texting International, July 6, 2014

us-uk

United States to England

12:56 A.M. UTC−05:00

hey!

 

kiribati-australia

Kiribati to Australia

1:27 a.m. UTC+14:00

global warning gettin me so wet can i come over???

 

brazil-earth

Brazil, re: ALL

2:12 a.m. UTC−03:00

FUTEBOL PARTY AT MINHA CASA LOOK AT MY BALLZ LMÃO

 

russia-ukraine

Russia to Ukraine

2:36 a.m. UTC+04:00

am comin over better lev door unlocked comin in anyway baby 😉

 

us-uk

United States to England

2:39 a.m. UTC−05:00

hey, soo…

 

us-uk

United States to England

2:41 A.M. UTC−05:00

hey, you up

 

us-uk

United States to England

2:45 A.M. UTC−05:00

listen, about what i said 238 years ago, i’m sorry

 

china-south-korea

China to South Korea

3:01 a.m. UTC+08:00

sorry kim was a bitch tonite we can do lunch tomorrow ^___^

 

jordan-israel

Jordan to Israel

3:07 a.m. UTC+03:00

omg neighbors STILL throwin a rager  might need to sleep at your place but like just as friends

 

argentina-england

Argentina to England

3:16 a.m. UTC−03:00

keepin las malvinas u left em here

 

india-england

India to England

3:32 a.m. UTC+05:30

chai in the morning?

 

uk-earth

England, re: ALL

3:34 a.m. UTC±00:00

AM TRYING TO SLEEP BUGGER OFF

 

canada-uk

Canada to England

3:40 a.m. UTC−05:00

sorry

 

south-korea-china

South Korea to China

3:48 a.m. UTC+09:00

lol just got a new phone didn’t see you.  that sounds great! ^____^

 

azerbaijan-armenia

Azerbaijan to Armenia

4:31 a.m. UTC+04:00

grudgə fuck?

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Eight Brazilians You Will NOT Believe!

four girls in bikini from behind posing on beachIt’s officially SUMMER!  And you know what that means… not only is it time to hit the BEACH, it’s time to do something about that tangled mass of corruption that you’ve been hiding for months.  In light of that, here are eight Brazilians that you will not believe, mainly because of their implication in the Escândalo do Mensalão (“big monthly payment” scandal) that nearly brought down the presidency of Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva in 2005.

Marcos Valério

marcos-valereio

 

Ramon Hollerbach

Ramon-Hollerbach

 

Cristiano Paz

cristiano-paz

 

Simone Vasconcelos

Simone-Vasconcelos

 

Roberto Jefferson

roberto_jefferson

 

José Dirceu

José-Dirceu

 

Delúbio Soares

delubio-soares

 

José Genoíno

jose-genonio

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

If Orange Is the New Black, What Is the New Orange?

oitnb

Have you binge-watched the second season of Orange Is the New Black yet?  (We haven’t had a chance to– don’t spoil it for us!)  If it’s anything like Season One, though, we know we’re going to love it.  And we have no idea how Piper is going to get out of that incident in the finale.

What we want to talk about today is a more wide-ranging problem introduced by the series title.  If orange is the new black, then… well… what is the new orange? Continue reading

Six Celebrities We’d Love To See in Neon!

neon-dress

If you’ve been anywhere within a three-quarter-mile radius of fashion recently, you’ve seen neon colors.  And we love it!  Somehow it feels fresher, more vibrant than just a rehashed version of the ’80s.  I think we’ve got a handle on neon dos and don’ts this time around.  Just check out these ladies!

neon-celebs

Our favorite celebrities are wearing neon.  We love that tasteful neon orange jacket Kim Kardashian is wearing in this photo.  J. Lo?  It’s a gutsy chartreuse number with neon pink heels.  So hot!  And Katy Perry is bookending that pink power with matching neon blue skirt and hair. Continue reading

Plan #7: Successes, Failures, and the Way Forward

Manticore

We’d like to share some information with our readership based on some recent leaks on our Facebook page.  The cat is out of the proverbial bag, so to speak, so we might as well come clean.  As Skeletor is Love put it so well…

skeletor-bs Continue reading

Candy Crush Saga, or Late Capitalism in Miniature

candycrush

Recently there’s been a lot of attention to King.com in leftist media, particularly to the company’s problematically pushy attempts to enforce its trademark over words like “candy” and “saga.”  Now as an avid player of Candy Crush, I find myself torn.  On the one hand, I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands; on the other hand, I’ve had a life-long intolerance for bullshit.

But I don’t want to focus on the wank/counterwank that is quibbling over trademark.  Instead, I’d like to investigate the idea that Candy Crush Saga itself is a wonderful model of late capitalism in miniature.

tiffi

Let’s set the stage: you are a hyper-infantilized little girl named Tiffi, traveling along a loopy and colorful path through a land seemingly born of that one night when Lisa Frank got drunk and had sex with a gummi bear.   Continue reading

What You Don’t Know about the Right Wing

BaldEagle

Everything you thought you knew about the right wing is wrong.

Look at this picture and point to the right wing.  You’re pointing to the wing on the right side of the picture, aren’t you?  Well, right is wrong.  What you’re thinking of as the right wing is actually the left wing of the eagle.  And the left wing?  Actually the right wing! Continue reading

Sarah Palin and the Word Salad Diet

palin-wink

Love her or hate her, you’ve got to admit it– you can’t keep Sarah Palin down!  She’s full of fight and spunk (among other things), and she never misses a chance to pipe up with an opinion.  Don’t you wish you had that kind of energy?  In fact, just this past week she spoke at the NRA convention in Indianapolis:

Come on! Enemies who would utterly annihilate America!  They who’d obviously have information on plots, say to carry out jihad. Oh, but you can’t offend them, can’t make them feel uncomfortable — not even a smidgen. Well, if I were in charge, they would know that waterboarding is how we baptize terrorists.

Continue reading