I haven’t been entirely honest with my boyfriend. He thinks I grew up in southern Alabama, but I was actually manufactured by the Tyrell Corporation for use on Mars. Should I tell him I’m a replicant?
Dreams of Sheep
That depends on a lot of factors. Do you think you will stay with this boyfriend long term? The fact that you’re writing makes me think you may feel guilty about withholding this information. If that’s the case, I think you should absolutely tell him.
Any tips for spicier cybersex? I’ve been talking up a chatbot and am ready to take things to the next level.
When it comes to chatbots, it’s really up to you to make the first move. If you want things to be a bit “spicier,” you’ve got to make the first move. The bot will follow suit. The fortunate thing about that is your cybersex partner won’t be able to take it too far for you.
Why don’t you talk to me anymore?
Please do not write to me. I am not interested in you or your antics.
CORA L. V. SCOTT is an author and lecturer from upstate New York. Her interests include esoteric elocution and pantheistic spiritualism.
Have a question for Cora? You can e-mail her here.
My name is Epona, and I’m a horse nut :-). I raise several different varieties and train them for various equestrian competitions.
Roughly 2,500. I’m the baby of my pantheon. Continue reading
I prayed that God would cure my sciatica, and now my toaster keeps popping out pieces of toast that look like they have Paul Rudd’s face on them. What gives?
W. Wheatly Continue reading
M 2.7 – 11km S of Laytonville, California
Time: 2014-06-12 10:55:23 UTC-04:00
Location: 39.585°N 123.462°W
Actor(s): Saul and Peggy Rubenstein
Description: wet slapping
He looked deeply into her eyes. “Kiss me,” she said.
“I’ll go get a dental dam,” he said, and he threw her down onto the clean linen sheets. They were cool against her cheek, and she could tell by the way they felt on her skin that they were high thread count– somewhere around 240. Kenneth was all she had ever wanted, but could he be her destruction? After all, the Ns in his name were in the middle, but they were not perfectly centered, a fact she noticed after having written his name 77 times on loose-leaf paper. Continue reading
Everybody knows that Nikola Tesla was brilliant. (If you don’t, read all about him on The Oatmeal. Do it! Do it now!)
After the flop that was da Vinci’s “Hornithopter,” we thought we’d take a test drive of a work of true genius: Tesla’s “Earthquake Machine.” Now you may be saying to yourself, “Isn’t it a little weird to be sexualizing an invention of a man who himself was entirely celibate?” Continue reading
Looking for a way to spice up your love life? Or maybe you’re just trying to get that first kiss from that special someone? Forget OkCupid and eHarmony– in Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, and Azerbaijan, horses are where it’s at! Continue reading
Special thanks to this blog post, this comic, and viewers like you.
20. I thought the weather was being controlled by HAARP, but that was just the angels singing your name.
19. Are you affiliated with the Illuminati? Because you light up my life.
18. Wanna know my favorite part of your body? The microchip implanted by the government.
17. The end isn’t the only thing that’s coming. Continue reading
My boyfriend Louis loves to go out with me at night, but he won’t come and do anything with me and my friends during the daytime. I dunno… it’s like I look at the two of us in the mirror in five years, and I can’t see him at all. It’s like he doesn’t have any stake in the relationship. What should I do about it?
Anne Continue reading
Everybody loves a bad boy. Not officially, of course. Not out loud, not in front of Mama or the United Nations. But somewhere in his heart of hearts, even Ban Ki-Moon is a little turned on by those most roguish of nations. They’re just so bad, and it’s just… so good.