NSFW Research Grant Proposals Due October 6, 2014

nsfw foundation

 

NSFW Grant Proposal Due Date Clarification

The NSFW proposal deadline date for Fall 2014 is October 6, 2014. All future years thereafter, the proposal deadline date will be September 15. If September 15 falls on a holiday or weekend, the proposal deadline date will be the first business day that occurs after that.

 

PROGRAM GUIDELINES

Solicitation 69-666

 

DUE DATES

Full Proposal Deadline Date: October 6, 2014
Full Proposal Deadline Date: September 15, 2015
September 15, Annually Thereafter

 

SYNOPSIS

This funding partnership between the National Science Foundation of the World (NSFW) and the Noticeably Endowed Hunks (NEH) supports projects to develop and advance knowledge concerning an abundance of NSFW topics. Made urgent by the imminent death of roughly half of the approximately 7000 currently used perversions, this effort aims to exploit advances in information technology to build computational infrastructure for cataloguing the insane and the icky. The program supports projects that contribute to data management and archiving, and to the development of the next generation of incorrigible perverts. Funding can support sex work and other activities relevant to the digital recording, documenting, and archiving of endangered perversions, including the preparation of lubes, sex toys, sex samples, and databases. Funding will be available in the form of one- to three-year senior research grants as well as fellowships for up to twelve months and doctoral dissertation research improvement grants for up to 24 months.

 

EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITY

This program provides educational opportunities for Undergraduate Students, Graduate Students, Postdoctoral Fellows, Werewolves, Wererats, Wereturtles, Vampires, Deep Ones, Elder Things, Crack Whores, Freemasons, Sasquatches, and members of the Bavarian Illuminati. Individuals interested in applying for funding should see the program guidelines above.

Sixteen Buildings with Nipples

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A sweet taste of India! 

 

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Hot Medina!

 

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From Russia with love!

 

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STACKED in Bulgaria!

 

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We’d like to get into this in Indonesia!

 

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Good old American girls.

 

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A golden shot from St. Petersburg!

 

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CENTERFOLD: Sacre Coeur!

 

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Holy wisdom, Batman!

 

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A hottie from across the pond.

 

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These domes rock!

 

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Jesus!

 

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Some action in the Vatican!

 

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Хорошо!

 

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Juicy Scotland!

 

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At the end of the day, we loves us some domes!

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

Reddit has banned /r/TheFappening– WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO HIDE?

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The banning of the subreddit /r/TheFappening has many of us wondering… what are they trying to hide?  Is this a coverup?  And if so, who benefits?  Here are some of our pet theories that have been going around the Illuminaughty Boutique offices.

 

1. Jennifer Lawrence is the Sasquatch

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I wonder if the carpet matches the… hmm.  It’s pretty much all carpet, I guess.  Must take a long time to shave!

 

2. Ariana Grande is Nessie

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That cute top-knot thing she’s been doing?  THAT IS ACTUALLY HER NECK AND HEAD.

 

3. McKayla Maroney is the Chupacabra

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She is not having it– unless “it” is fresh goat blood.

 

4. Kate Upton is the Manananggal

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Rumors are flying about that she might not only separate from her boyfriend Justin Verlander, but also that she might separate her torso from her legs and fly around terrorizing the locals.

 

5. Kaley Cuoco is the Mongolian Death Worm

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We’d had our suspicions all along.

 

One final possibility…

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EVERYONE IS A LIZARD.  ERRBODY IN HOLLYWOOD IS A LIZARD.  EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.  ALL OF THEM.  EVERY ONE. 

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

 

Jimmy Wales: Release Your Nude Selfies into the Public Domain!

jimmy-wales

Dear Mr. Wales,

We at Illuminaughty Boutique would first like to thank you for over a decade of leadership of the forces of good on the Internet.  Where would we be without Wikipedia?  Our guess is quite a bit dumber, albeit perhaps a bit better rested.  There’s no better time to read up on Tuvan throat-singing than 3:45 a.m. on a Wednesday.It is with that great esteem in mind that we write to you today.

We need you to save the Internet.

As you are likely already aware, a major breach of Apple’s iCloud has resulted in the violation of privacy of over 100 celebrities, including most notably Jennifer Lawrence.  Whether this was perpetrated by the 4chan trolls or merely celebrated by them, we have to do something.  Because this isn’t J-Law’s fault, and she shouldn’t be blamed for it.

monkey-selfie

It has been argued recently that when a monkey takes a selfie, it belongs to all of us, as a monkey is not a legal person and is therefore incapable of holding copyright.  Other selfies would, by Geneva Copyright Convention, fall under the immediate copyright of the author of the work.  But we believe that copyright is a shitty way to protect privacy, and that our culture has a bunch of problems with women that can’t be solved merely by quibbling over who has the rights to what.

Additionally, what constitutes fair use of a purloined selfie?  The mind recoils.

What we need to do is work as a culture to decrease the stigma around nude photos.  And this is where we believe that you are uniquely postured to make a difference.  By releasing a set of nude selfies– even just one really good one, we’re not picky– into the public domain, you can show that a respected and intelligent person can also be awkwardly naked on camera, and it’s no big deal.

Information wants to be free (balling).  We know we can count on you.

 

I beg to remain, Sir, your most humble and obedient servant,

My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

Adam Weishaupt
Illuminaughty Boutique

P.S. If you wanted to team up with Lawrence Lessig and do like a tag-team bit, that’d be cool too.  Just sayin’.

THE SECOND FAPPENING: A GRIM PORTENT

PEOPLE OF AMERICA, A SECOND FAPPENING IS UPON YOU.  WE HAVE COME INTO POSSESSION OF NUDE SELFIES OF THE FOLLOWING PROMINENT INDIVIDUALS, WHICH WE WILL UNLEASH ONTO THE POPULACE IF OUR DEMANDS ARE NOT MET.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.


Alexander, Lamar

Atkinson, Rowan

Bachus, Spencer

Baier, Bret

Beck, Glenn

Beckel, Bob

Belzer, Richard

Biden, Joe

Bieber, Justin

Black, Jack

Blitzer, Wolf

Boehner, John

Bolton, John

Bolton, Michael

Boozman, John

Brownback, Sam

Buchanan, Pat

Burton, Dan

Buscemi, Steve

Busey, Gary

Bush, George H.W.

Butterfield, G.K.

Cain, Herman

Cardin, Ben

Carper, Tom

Carville, James

Cavuto, Neil

Chafee, Lincoln

Chambliss, Saxby

Cheney, Dick

Christie, Chris

Coats, Dan

Coble, Howard

Coltrane, Robbie

Coons, Chris

Crosby, David

Cross, David

Cuomo, Andrew

Curry, Tim

Dafoe, Willem

Daniels, Mitch

DeMint, Jim

Devito, Danny

Doocy, Steve

Franken, Al

Frelinghuysen, Rodney

Giamatti, Paul

Gleeson, Brendan

Gohmert, Louie

Gottfried, Gilbert

Graham, Lindsey

Grint, Rupert

Guzman, Luis

Hagee, John

Hannity, Sean

Hatch, Orrin

Inhofe, Jim

King, Angus

King, Peter

King, Steve

Koch, Charles

Koch, David

Krauthammer, Charles

Kristol, Bill

Limbaugh, Rush

Loaf, Meat

Lovitz, Jon

Macy, William H.

Malkovich, John

McCain, John

McConnell, Mitch

Moore, Michael

Myers, Mike

Nader, Ralph

Nash, Graham

Nolte, Nick

North, Oliver

Nugent, Ted

O’Briain, Dara

O’Reilly, Bill

Osment, Haley Joel

Osteen, Joel

Otter, Butch

Pence, Mike

Perot, H. Ross

Perry, Rick

Rangel, Charlie

Reid, Harry

Reilly, John C.

Richards, Keith

Rivera, Geraldo

Robertson, Pat

Rokita, Todd

Romney, Mitt

Ruppersberger, Dutch

Ryan, Paul

Sajak, Pat

Sanders, Bernie

Sanford, Mark

Schiff, Richard

Shawn, Wallace

Stills, Stephen

Stockman, Steve

Trump, Donald

Waits, Tom

Walken, Christopher

Walker, Scott

Waxman, Henry

Willard, Fred

Williams, Juan

Young, Neil

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

BATTERPROOF Makeup Lets You KNOW When You’ve Been Assaulted!

batter-proof1

1.5 oz  –  $49.99
SPF 15

Could a cosmetic product save your life?  Thanks to three college students, the answer is yes!

Hot on the heels of Undercover Colors, the nail polish that changes color when exposed to date rape drugs, students in the Chemical Engineering and Cosmetology departments at Miskatonic University have developed BATTERPROOF, a type of foundation that changes colors when it comes into contact with certain objects often used to assault women, such as fists, feet, chair legs, and rifle butts.

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Simply apply BATTERPROOF as you would your normal foundation.  You’ll barely know it’s there!  Then, walk confidently into any situation you might encounter in your everyday life, where an attack could be lurking around any corner.

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The team explains:

While assault and battery are often used to facilitate sexual assault, very little science exists for their detection. Our goal is to invent technologies that empower women to protect themselves from this heinous and quietly pervasive crime. With our makeup, any woman will be empowered to discreetly ensure her safety by simply taking a good, solid punch. If her skin changes color, she’ll know that something is wrong.

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This groundbreaking technological advance will benefit women in the workplace, walking to and from their cars late at night, out at clubs– even at home!  Soon, you too can know if you have been assaulted by a stranger, close acquaintance, family member, or spouse.

As for what to do with that knowledge…  we’re still working on that.  Get back to us.

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My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt. His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.