NSFW Research Grant Proposals Due October 6, 2014

 

NSFW Grant Proposal Due Date Clarification

The NSFW proposal deadline date for Fall 2014 is October 6, 2014. All future years thereafter, the proposal deadline date will be September 15. If September 15 falls on a holiday or weekend, the proposal deadline date will be the first business day that occurs after that.

 

PROGRAM GUIDELINES

Solicitation 69-666

 

DUE DATES

Full Proposal Deadline Date: October 6, 2014
Full Proposal Deadline Date: September 15, 2015
September 15, Annually Thereafter

 

SYNOPSIS

This funding partnership between the National Science Foundation of the World (NSFW) and the Noticeably Endowed Hunks (NEH) supports projects to develop and advance knowledge concerning an abundance of NSFW topics. Made urgent by the imminent death of roughly half of the approximately 7000 currently used perversions, this effort aims to exploit advances in information technology to build computational infrastructure for cataloguing the insane and the icky. The program supports projects that contribute to data management and archiving, and to the development of the next generation of incorrigible perverts. Funding can support sex work and other activities relevant to the digital recording, documenting, and archiving of endangered perversions, including the preparation of lubes, sex toys, sex samples, and databases. Funding will be available in the form of one- to three-year senior research grants as well as fellowships for up to twelve months and doctoral dissertation research improvement grants for up to 24 months.

 

EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITY

This program provides educational opportunities for Undergraduate Students, Graduate Students, Postdoctoral Fellows, Werewolves, Wererats, Wereturtles, Vampires, Deep Ones, Elder Things, Crack Whores, Freemasons, Sasquatches, and members of the Bavarian Illuminati. Individuals interested in applying for funding should see the program guidelines above.

Introducing: Cthulu, Our New Streaming Video Service

We’d like to take this opportunity to introduce you to the dark, dark future of streaming video– Cthulu!  Are you tired of looking up your favorite shows, only to find a site that once played them for you for free is asking you information about your cable provider?  That sucks!  CTHULU is the solution to your problems.

100000 Ways to Please Your Robot Lover

Danger, Will Robinson!  Danger!  Your relationship with your robot lover feels like more of a zero than a one.  Relax, it happens to all of us.  Just follow these 100000 tips and you’ll be running at 100% capacity in no time!

 

000001

Before anything else, run a virus scan.  A clean robot is a happy robot, and you don’t want to be picking anything up from him.

Review: The “Wake Up, Sheeple!” Alarm Clock

$19.95

I don’t know about you, but after days and nights of stark raving madness brought on by a knowledge beyond man’s ken, I need some serious meds to sleep.  We’re talking opiates, folks.  And not just the opiate of the masses– hard drugs, administered to me by my manservant Chang Li.

Five Tips for the Lonely Crypto-Anarchist

So you’ve been wanting to date, but you’re also afraid to reveal your name, IP address, and physical location?  Here are our top five tips for meeting and communicating your feels to a person or persons who may be willing to couple with you!

5. Incognito Mode

One of the things we’ve enjoyed about Google’s Chrome browser is the “incognito mode.”  Essentially, incognito mode creates a little “browsing bubble” that isn’t recorded in your search history, cookies, or browser history once you close the window.

Pros:

• Great for chatting people up, especially when at work, at a public library, or from a roommate’s laptop while they’re asleep.
• Little traceable evidence on the computer you’re using, unless you’re downloading images of your prospective hotty for… later… reference purposes.

Cons:

• As Google warns, incognito mode does not protect you from your employer, your internet service provider, or the websites you visit, all of which may be out to get you.  Their warning used to joke about secret agents watching you.  Now they’ve taken that down.
• Odds are you’re still using some online service, whether it be a chatroom, instant messenger, Facebook, OkCupid, eHarmony, or some other site that is collecting all the data you’re sending to your sweetie.  We know you are not using Google+, because no one uses Google+.
• This is a Google product, and their eyes are everywhere.