29 Tin-Foil Hats That Will Blow Your Mind!

The tin-foil hat is the “little black dress” of the conspiracy theory fashion world.  But the “just a bunch of foil hastily crumpled on your head” look is getting old.  These new looks will blow your mind!  Okay, so they won’t literally blow your mind– that’s the whole reason for wearing a tin-foil hat.  But we guarantee that with this inspiration (and a little origami training), you’ll put the (in)spiration in (con)spiration!

 

The Napoleon

tin-traditional

A classic, this makes you look either like Admiral Nelson or Le Petit Caporal.  Plus, it’s easy to make yourself!

The Garrison Cap

tin-garrison cap

One look and you know this guy’s ready to play defense.  Oh, and he’s holding a gun.

 

The Pickelhaube

Boy in a tin foil hat

It’s not just for World War I-era German soldiers anymore.

 

The Baseball Cap

tin-baseball

The all-American favorite, for those who respect and protect the REAL Constitution.

 

The Fedora

tin-fedora

Fancy avoiding being detected by you here, hot stuff.

 

The Alpine Hat

tin-alpine

Are you feeling jaunty?  I’m feeling jaunty!  We’re all feeling jaunty!

 

The Siphai

tin-siphai

Pardon the Persian name.  It won’t let the Iranians bore through your skull.  Besides, they weren’t the ones you were worried about, were they?

 

The Hennin

tin-hennin

The medieval favorite, updated for the 21st century.  PRO TIP: Consider a gossamer scarf of wax paper or cling-wrap coming up and out the top, for the complete look.

 

The Helmet

tin-helmet

If it doesn’t protect you from the space aliens, at least they might think you’re one of them.

 

The Dragonborn

tin-dragonslayer

Ever wonder how the Dragonborn got their dragonblood?  Well… look at our next hat.

 

The Gimp

tin-gimp

For when you don’t want them to modify your brainwaves, and you absolutely do NOT want them to see your whole face.

 

The Leia

tin-leia

A unisex fashion slam-dunk!

 

The Fez

tin-fez

PRO TIP: Consider pairing with an aluminum-foil smoking jacket and matching pipe for the “going Mufti” look.

 

The Hijab

tin-hijab

How better to practice modesty both in thought and in dress by hiding your thoughts as you cover your head?  (Check with your imam.)

 

The Mask

tin-mask

Even more modest, even more concealing.  We did find one that had no eye-holes either, but… that seemed a little silly.

 

The Centurion

tin-centurion

Surprisingly easy to make: just make a taller version of the garrison cap (pictured above) and fold the top over slightly.  An instant classic!

 

The Augustus

tin-caesar

If the Centurion style has gotten a little stale in your social circle, step it up a notch.

 

The Flapper

tin-flapper

This hat shows you are the fringe of the fringe!  Pictured here with matching tin-foil bra.

 

The Sunhat

tin-sunhat

“I’ve always depended on the kindness of strangers.”  NOT.  Strangers are to be feared.  But you can still look beautiful while you do it!

 

The High Society

tin-fancy

This would be seen all over the catwalks at Fashion Week, but it has rendered its wearers invisible to RF-signals and most photography.

 

The Colander

tin-pseudocolander

This crafty hat could also be used to strain spaghetti with just a few holes poked in it.

 

The Top Hat

tin-top

Our #1 cylindrical headgear choice of the year.

 

The Pyramid Hat

tin-pyramid

Another regular solid that made the list.  Just be careful you whip up pyramid hat and not Pyramid Head.

 

The Cube

tin-square

A side too far?  Some may call you a square, but we think this one works if you really own the look.

 

The Noodle Hat

tin-noodle

Certain to grab attention and to pick up an extra television station or two.

 

The Loopy Louie

tin-eclectic

The classiest complex toroid short of the Klein bottle.

 

The Plague Doctor

tin-plague

We’re not sure if it’ll ward off the bubonic plague, but it’ll at least keep ’em out of your brain-box while your glands are swelling up.

 

The Aerodynamic Witch Hat

tin-speedwitch

“We are the weirdos, mister.”

 

The Full Viking

tin-viking

If they do find you, the spikes will help you fight ’em off, at least.  PRO TIP: Consider pairing with hide armor and a Greataxe +3 vs. Reptilians.

 


My name is Adam, and I want you to be my Eve.

ADAM WEISHAUPT is a Professor of Law at the University of Ingolstadt.  His hobbies include rationalism, masonry, and opposition to Kantian idealism.

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